Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[S4tk]

Sad today. The GALing and detaching has been going well. I am just feeling worn down from various things.

Ran 4.5 miles today in 10F temperature. That woke me up and felt good for sure. Hadn't run for a week because of snow and wind chill.

Came home and was changing S1's diaper before getting ready to head off to work, and then he ran down the hallway into the bathroom, which was one inch ajar. It swung totally open and W was toweling off from a shower. First time I saw her undressed in five months. I immediately looked away and she immediately covered up but maybe the PMA is taking a hit from that.

W has been doing little things lately which I am tempted to put into the "hope" category. She has been initiating with me, coming to sit downstairs after kids are asleep and making small talk. She made her own mocha the other day with some nice European dark cocoa powder and French press coffee and she brought it downstairs and asked me to try it - just for fun.

I think maybe some of the sadness is because I am beginning to think that I will be fine whatever comes about, but I want that process to move forward. If she is going to leave the house, then I want her to go. If she is going to decide to stay and work on the M, then I want that to happen. But any conversations to that end - I have avoided because of obvious reasons.

It's the waiting game. As much as I GAL and put on a happy face, I don't like months and months of uncertainty. Especially when I have to see W several times a day.