about 5 years ago she became a health-nut and lost some weight and is not what I would consider "healthy". I was active the first 5-6 years of our marriage but still overweight. Then, primarily being at a desk, I wasn't active which only made it worse.
We don't talk about MMSLP too much around here other than suggesting it now and then, because there's some disagreement on whether it's consistent with DB'ing. But I will say that your sitch more than any I've read here could benefit from the advice in it. One subject is sex rank, when people date and get married they're typically pretty close in sex rank. If one of them suddenly does things to make themselves more attractive (work out, lose weight, different hair style, etc.) then they can move 2 or 3 notches up in sex rank, and if their spouse is really letting things go they can move a few notches down. Now you've got a sitch where the spouse higher in rank is losing interest in their spouse and suddenly attracting the attention of others. Sound familiar?
The book also goes into the hoop-jumping you're doing for your W. Every time you do what she asks to "fix" things you're just making yourself look less desirable. Just read the book, I think you'll feel like it is speaking directly to you.
MrBond and the others are spot on about MC being a bad idea right now. You mentioned being married 20 years and seeing it work many times, sure it works when BOTH spouses are willing to work on things but it NEVER works when one spouse is a WAS. What you need to understand is a WAS situation is different than anything you've been exposed to before. What works in saving a troubled marriage does NOT work with a WAS because the marriage isn't troubled, it is OVER. read DR, you're not trying to save your M, it's already done. You're trying to attract your W back to a NEW relationship and marriage.
