We're Dating

[labug]

Yes, it is a leap of faith.

Yes, there is fear.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

Thanks guys, I appreciate the wisdom.

[CallaghanClown]

It's a scary adventure. But so is the alternative.

[labug]

Thanks, CC. But here's the thing, the alternative (if you mean H not being in my life) isn't scary. At all.

There would be sadness, I'm sure but I've learned my happiness doesn't depend on another person.

I'm fine and love my life right now.

I don't want that to change no matter who is or isn't in my life.

But that's up to me.

[labug]

Still Dating

New thread.

[labug]

Just found this on the Keeping the Changes Going board, it's from 2011 but is still relevant.

From Young at Heart:

While not a Golden Rule, there is something that I learned at a Gottman weekend seminar with my wife that I feel is an important lesson.

What we were told is that we should never try to negotiate a change in our spouse's behavior until we can explain/understand their position as well as they do.

Once we have really listened and understood what they are saying and know why they don't want to do something, then and only then, can we hope to be able to discuss and see if change is possible. That advice really helped me in resolving some asspects of what had been an SSM.

Real giving and giving of unconditional love, love that isn't asking for something in return is so important.

Laughing is really important! The sex therapist who helped my wife and me, told us that sex should be child-like and playful and involve laughter. She said that some people self-medicate with alcohol to achieve a child-like state to improve sex, but it is much better if you learn to skip the alcohol.

For my wife and me, listening to each other is critical as one of her languages of love is quality time. It we don't have quality time where we listen and talk to each other, she just doesn't feel loved.

As to the stranger standard, I am constantly reminded how easy it is to say please and thank you to a stranger who really doesn't care about me than it use to be to my wife who loved me. I now make sure I thank her for all she does for me and that I appreciate what she does, as opposed to taking her for granted.

Forgiveness truly is a gift we give ourselves. There is sister rule to this and that is to apologize for hurting our spouse and take ownership for some of the problems that are in your marriage.

The only other thing I can think of at the moment is on the importance of GAL, growing yourself into a better person physically, spiritually, and ethically. To me GAL and changing yourself in ways that improve you is a why of showing yourself and your spouse that change is possible and that as long as we live, we can and should work on improving ourselves and our relationship with others.

Thanks

[labug]

Whoops wrong thread.