Reaching out for support and advice!!

[bluesgal]

Thanks labug and 3-

I agree. NO expectations. In fact, the only reason I'm asking is b/c we live together and are still functioning as a family at times. If my H chooses to leave, I will not ask him to join us any longer. And, yes, I will follow through with plans whether he joins us or not.

Journaling:

My H texted me tonight about the kids. So frustrating. He NEVER calls. I have an old, crappy cell phone. I cannot text with speed. So, I always text him to call me which makes me feel like I'm pursuing him. Hate that.

He joined us for supper. Was nice. We shared about our day. Talked with the kids. Smiled at eachother when they said/did stuff that made us proud or laugh.

Came home. I did a 180. I shoveled off our cement in front of garage. There is a lot of it. Did it all. I have maybe done this once in our marriage? H asked what got into me tonight. I said, "Nothing, just need to get this done."

After that, we finally put our Christmas tree up. It was just like before. We talked about how glad we are that we have a new tree stand for it. We sat around and talked. I told him, "Oh, by the way, thanks for all the snow removal and plowing over the years. It's not exactly fun." He seemed to appreciate the comment.

Went on through the night. Some awkwardness, but I just gave him his space. Overall, good night (by today's standards)

I miss him so much. I just want to touch him when we're talking. I want to touch his hand or his leg. I want him to hold me and tell me everything will be alright.

I will keep a PMA tomorrow. I will not pursue him. I will meet him at our daughters game tomorrow and smile and act 'as if'. My sister and I are meeting some friends for drinks afterwards. I will invite him to join us if he'd like. I will go anyways if he doesn't join us. I will continue to DB. I will keep working on me.