on the edge pt 2

[dingo]

Update for today isn't all bad. We had to speak last night to finalize how we were going to finance this separation. My initial idea was that we would split the combined cost of the mortgage and rent. When I first suggested that idea she balked big time and only offered up a portion of her share. Last night I calmly told her that I could not afford to maintain the house alone for much longer than a few months without starting to go into debt. My suggestion was that we put the house on the market as it would probably take a few months to sell and we could always back out if she decided to move back in. She was dead set against that idea and instead, offered to contribute her full share of the combined split.

Then today, she had a visit with her lawyer to go over the stipulation. I had been dreading this meeting all week (I know I know - don't worry about things you can't control!!!!). I guess the meeting went fairly well. She had a couple of minor changes to the settlement, all that I could agree to. She told her lawyer to request the changes and to inform my lawyer that we were not going to proceed with anything further at this time. I will have to echo that sentiment when my lawyer contacts me.

So, all in all, everything that happened earlier in the week kind of blew over. She made a point to tell me that she recognizes that we both contribute to the tension and that's really why she needs to get some space for a while. I agreed that we both need to let our emotions calm down for a while and the only way to do this is to get some time away. She told me again, without me asking, that she is going to end the affair. I don't know if i believe her but at this point, i am sick of swimming against that current.

I guess she really has no idea what she should do. Square in the middle of the fence. She is hoping some space followed by some positive interactions and good times between us will help.

So here is my list that I carry in my pocket everyday:
- I will be patient
- I will not wallow in self-pity
- I will always be in control of my emotions and will not make decisions when I am emotional
- I will not try to predict the outcome
- I will not overanalyze
- I will not worry about things I cannot control
- I will not do anything to antagonize her
- I will enforce my boundaries
- I will do all of the above for ME, not for her and not for the marriage

I think the hardest one for me will be the last one. I am still in the mindset of doing all of this for the marriage. I need to keep telling myself that that's not it.

I have a hike planned this weekend with some friends, gym after work tomorrow. I also will really take some more time to decide who I want to be, what is really important to me and what I have to do to get there.

Other than not communicating, can anyone give me some advice on how best to be unavailable without being rude or cold?