Thank you so much Blue and LB for catching up on my sitch and commenting. I am trying so hard to keep my head held up high and to act with dignity and grace, even when I just want to hit my H upside the head and ask what the heck is going on with him.
I was thinking about my H last night and his comment on my parenting skills. I think that the reason that I lost it is because I have been the primary parent for the past two years. H checked out of our marriage and at the same time checked out of the family. The other night, H asked if he was a good day. I told H that he was not a good dad the past year or two. H only cared about himself, his job and OW. H was so angry at me during that time that he left the house to get away. But he does not realize that when he left to "get away from me," he left the kids. H was gone go much prior to BD, that my kids did not even realize when H moved out. They still think that he lives in our house (it helps that they are still young and innocent). But it goes to show how MIA he was for a long time.
I know that H gets annoyed that the kids ask for me when they are tired, or sick or hurt or sad. But it is NOT my fault. H decided to check out. H decided to move out. H is not there when they wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare. So of course they will come to me since I am the primary person in their lives.
I try really hard not to criticize H's parenting of our boys. I think that it is ok if each parent has a slightly different relationship/parenting style with the kids, so long as the parents are both working towards raising happy and healthy children and not completely contradicting one another.
After this experience with my H acting like a robot and being incapable of expressing his emotions, I want to teach my boys that it is ok to cry if they are hurt and to express their feelings and emotions. I dont want them to put on a brave manly face and keep everything bottled up inside. That is exactly what H has done and look where it got him.
