Thanks M! I often look at my boys and get angry at H for missing out on some pretty wonderful times. I have to remind myself that H may be missing out, but I get to make some pretty awesome memories if I choose to move forward. It truly is his loss. I just feel like our Hs think that there is something magical out there that is going to make them happy and we are somehow depriving them from this magical happiness. They have yet to realize that happiness comes from within. Since you and I know that secret, I am confident that we will have happy, fulfilled lives regardless of what happens with our Hs.
Thanks M! I often look at my boys and get angry at H for missing out on some pretty wonderful times. I have to remind myself that H may be missing out, but I get to make some pretty awesome memories if I choose to move forward. It truly is his loss. I just feel like our Hs think that there is something magical out there that is going to make them happy and we are somehow depriving them from this magical happiness. They have yet to realize that happiness comes from within. Since you and I know that secret, I am confident that we will have happy, fulfilled lives regardless of what happens with our Hs.
Well said. They will never know what truly makes them happy until they decide to look inward. Until then they will keep reaching for whatever else is out there.
Hi. Your post was very uplifting. It is sad that you and your kids are in a position that you need a new normal. But you sound so positive it gives me hope for my future.
Thanks for sharing today.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Really awkward night with H. The kids and I had not seen H since Sunday at all. He made a few comments about the boys bring mommas boys. I did not say anything, but the kids do kind of each clingy to me when they don't see H for a bit and after I spend a bunch of time with them. H was wrestling with S4 and he stared crying and wanted me. S4 is my most sensitive guy. S3 is the complete opposite. H tried to get S4 to stop crying but he came to me anyway. I gave him a hug and told him he was fine. H immediately said " that is the exact opposite of what everyone says to do. You should not coddle him" in a very critizing tone.
I lost my cool and said "don't tell me what to do". It took me back to the past two years when h was super critical of everything that i did. It also hurts because i am working my butt off taking on the majority of the parenting responsibilties while he gets his space. And i know that i am a good mom. But i know my reaction was wrong and should not have snapped back. Any advice on what I should have said? Also, should I apologize or just leave it alone? I felt like the rest of the night was off after that.
3- I've spent the last couple of days catching up on all of your posts. Whew!! Some people on these boards have such a way with words and you are one of them!
You are an inspiring, strong woman. I get so angry at your H reading all the posts. Why doesn't he get it??!!
We are all beautiful, strong, patient women that have humbly come to the table and been willing to look inwardly and make changes to save our families and have happy relationships. I guess by the time we do this, they are already 'done'.
The fog of MLC/WAS is so hard to understand. My H used to be such a black/white person. Had very logical answers. Now, he's just a blob that exists to drink alcohol and be miserable. My heart aches for the innocent kids in these situations. My kids hurt and cry so often. It's not fair. I wish I could shield them from the hurt.
I look forward to your posts and inspiration
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Thank you so much Blue and LB for catching up on my sitch and commenting. I am trying so hard to keep my head held up high and to act with dignity and grace, even when I just want to hit my H upside the head and ask what the heck is going on with him.
I was thinking about my H last night and his comment on my parenting skills. I think that the reason that I lost it is because I have been the primary parent for the past two years. H checked out of our marriage and at the same time checked out of the family. The other night, H asked if he was a good day. I told H that he was not a good dad the past year or two. H only cared about himself, his job and OW. H was so angry at me during that time that he left the house to get away. But he does not realize that when he left to "get away from me," he left the kids. H was gone go much prior to BD, that my kids did not even realize when H moved out. They still think that he lives in our house (it helps that they are still young and innocent). But it goes to show how MIA he was for a long time.
I know that H gets annoyed that the kids ask for me when they are tired, or sick or hurt or sad. But it is NOT my fault. H decided to check out. H decided to move out. H is not there when they wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare. So of course they will come to me since I am the primary person in their lives.
I try really hard not to criticize H's parenting of our boys. I think that it is ok if each parent has a slightly different relationship/parenting style with the kids, so long as the parents are both working towards raising happy and healthy children and not completely contradicting one another.
After this experience with my H acting like a robot and being incapable of expressing his emotions, I want to teach my boys that it is ok to cry if they are hurt and to express their feelings and emotions. I dont want them to put on a brave manly face and keep everything bottled up inside. That is exactly what H has done and look where it got him.
You are a strong woman and you have your hands full.
H's anger is his to deal with but if he asks that question again, maybe another response might be, "I'm not your judge. Only time will tell what kind of parents we both are."
Continue doing what you're doing, have as little contact with him as you can. Take care of you and your boys.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I just caught up on your thread and I think you're doing great.
Your H's problems aren't about you, I hope you understand that. Yes, we all did things that pushed buttons but you didn't force hi to drink or hang out with OW, those are all choices he made to hide from whatever he's trying to hide from.
Keep strong with your boundaries.
I loved your post about how much better you are now! Keep reminding yourself of that.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
