you sure come across not as MrBond but MrKnowitAll
I've been married for over 20 years. I've seen first hand dozens of times where counseling has worked. Do they always, of course not, but that's better than doing nothing.
Taking the initiative is NOT controlling, it's following through on a commitment BOTH of us made to each other in order for us to move forward in our marriage. NOT doing it would only result in another failed commitment we made to each other and would cause more friction. It would be controlling if I just did it without her request or without her being a part of the discussion, but she said she wants to see one as well so relax.
Also, you put a LOT of stock in DB and DR and say I'm wrong about this being a combined relationship. Are you kidding me? That doesn't even make sense! Makes me NOT want to read the books if that's the stance they take. NATURALLY if ONE person changes the other reacts to that change which is also change. Duh! If things were going well, then NO ONE would need to change anything.
I realize that I don't have it all together. I need to change, I need to do some things different which is why I joined this forum and am seeing a counselor. A by-product of me changing in our relationship will cause her to change as well and vice versa. I don't understand why that's hard to comprehend.
I joined this forum for ideas, support and ways I can improve. I felt myself sinking into a place of giving up and not fighting anymore. I didn't join this forum because I read the end all to be all DR or DB books. I'm sure they are great, but let's not put all our hope in these books.
I believe it takes all kinds of tools (forum, counselor, friends, prayer, books, etc.) to improve your life in any area...not just marriage.
