Feel like falling down

[CallaghanClown]

I'd suggest the same. I'm not sure the kids need that chat before Christmas. Especially if you aren't amicable about it.

[job]

I agree, this is something that can wait two or three weeks. You might want to phrase your conversation this way: "H, I know that you want to speak to the children about our separation/divorce, but would it be possible to wait until after the holidays? Christmas is such a special time for them and this kind of news will put a damper on their holiday."

You have to put emphasis on how this will affect the children and especially this time of the year.

[willbwell]

H will feel that I am avoiding the inevitable.

He takes the boys skiing on the 26-30th. They have done that the last several years together.

I always liked that they had that special time together.
d15 and I stayed home, took down the tree and had special girl time.

of course, in life there are disappointments. No one wants this
h says he didn't feel my pain, he feels his.

I tell my boys we just have to do our best.
They know I don't like the situation.
however, my kids know they are loved.
they have seen me acting with forgiveness and dignity.

What hurts the most is kids thinking H has chosen something else over our family.
How to come to terms with that one?

I am being the best mom to my kids. I am modeling good attitude.

Job, saw your post to Heather... I need to re read again!
I know I am a broken record.

[willbwell]

going to go take a walk because I feel a lot of pent up frustration...

need to share. need to get it out of my system.

just everyday crup. (laundry, dinner, traffic)we all have it I know.
I do everything for kids and get 0 appreciation from h.
he'll get back in town tonight. he'll want to take kids to dinner or see a movie-like that is being a parent. like that is ok. I want to say to h ,that NO, it is not ok.
I don't get to say, I'm tired of your BS h, because then that pushes him to ow.
Makes me the bitter evil ex-to-be

I feel like screaming at h. He is a selfish child. I envision kicking and punching him. Not very attractive on my part, I know
I need to get myself in a kickboxing class.

I am giving myself wrinkles and grey hairs.

I am not happy right now.

usually h texts d15 on my phone.
no text today. sent a text to s17 last night to give phone to d15 so he can call her.
really h? using s17 as go between. NOT RIGHT.
We still have a landline. he could call her at the house.

Wish I could say to h, just leave us alone. You have made your choice.

[bustingout]

How are you WBW? Did your walk help?? :-)

[willbwell]

Can we talk about the kids?
I am sure it has been discussed before...
I am one that has to read a lot

This present sit is so not good for the kids.

I don't get in the way of h at all.

Its his deal I know.

I just can't stand sitting back and doing nothing when kids are hurting.
Of course, I'm there for them and I am a great mom, but They want their dad!

[willbwell]

really could use some feedbsck...
When not knowing what to do, do nothing. sit in quiet a while.
That is what I have been doing.

H says nothing. I say nothing. no one says anything.
huge white elephant in the room.

I used to think a nonanswer from h is an answer. But, I am doing the same thing.

I am allowing h to ignore kids. Its not ok.

[willbwell]

Telling the kids about D.
Feedback from those who have had this convo PlEASE...!!!!

Told h we should do together. We have had no convo about it yet.(when it is to take place) He is waiting for s17 to finish exams(FRI) They have done a ski trip annually after xmas. so don't know if this weekend or after trip.

Will tell the kids not what I want( they know this) but I love and respect dad enough that if this is what he feels he needs to do, then I will go along.

I don't want to be ugly or fight. I want h's happiness. My kids know I am strong and positive.
Our kids know they are loved and this has nothing to do with them.

Gabby's mom, I appreciate your feedback.
This sit has been hardest on son 20. He is hurt but struggles with not approving of his dad's behavior and not wanting to alienate his dad.

Who has told the kids?? advice??
Thanks in advance!!

PS, I never knew there were so many of us in this same sit!!
Our society has got to wake up!!

[mj0221]

Hi Willbell,
I feel your pain on H not paying attention to kids and it hurting them. I know the vets will chime in but in my own instance I wanted to be the one telling D11 the divorce was about to start because 1, I knew I could do it gently, and she could cry if needed then ask questions. 2, I have been the only one she's been with since the separation; however just my 2 cents I might only tell them when things start actually taking place. Maybe some vets could help out but I waited until H's attorney sent me papers and my attorney countered to tell D. I have read on here that some draw up papers but never file.

I'm sorry you are at this point. I'm in the same boat you are so i don't have all the answers.

[willbwell]

exams done. xmas next, then the boys go ski. H and I have had no discussion.he'll want to go have a fun ski trip and then tell boys about D

s20 came in at 3am from out with friends. drinking and smoking. I said we would discuss tomorrow....
s20 is most bothered by sit.
don't even want to tell h about s20 behavior.
h wants no parenting responsibility. he just wants the good times.