I could tell my wife was getting very emotional about this. I tried to empathise & validate her thoughts & feelings but I did also point out that it was a little manipulative. I stuck to me not moving out of the house & she was getting very upset, I stayed calm & compassionate throughout but still maintained my position.

EEk....careful with using words like "manipulative" for it is such a loaded word and carries negative connotions. I'd leave it out altogether. Your W isn't being manipulative at all...she's feeling these motions and thoughts. Nothing manipulative about it at all.

She then said it would "have" to go to court and the conversation came to an end.

You could respond to this type of comment by saying "I'm sorry you feel this way" without agreeing with her or contradicting her.

I emailed her shortly after to explain that I believe that we can sort things out between ourselves and that is only "has" to go to court if she wants it to.

Careful there. You are discounting W's feelings and perception. There's a way to make your feelings known without arguing against her views. One example is this: "I do not want a divorce. However, since you made the choice, you are going have to send me whatever information you want from me.

She rang back later after reading that asking what I had in mind regarding sorting things out. She thinks sorting things out means me moving out & that if I don't then it has to go to court.

I seems to me that it is a veiled threat by W. If you don't do x, y, z, she will proceed go court. Stay firm with your position that you are staying in the house and provide a safe, secure, and familiar place for the kids.

When she gets into asking me the reasons why I am not willing to move out and put her an my son in such a terrible situation I found myself explaining that I believe she has other options and that these are her decisions.

This wasn't too bad. Again, telling her what you "believe" isn't helpful as she isn't interested in your beliefs at this moment. Be solution oriented yet firm on one nonnegotiable which is you and the kids stay in the home.

She then questions what other options she has, to which I responded that she is welcome to live in the house, but I don't want to move out and also that I believe the relationship is salvageable etc. I think I ended up sounding like I was begging & pleading her to come back again. This was not my intention but just my answer to the questions & my reasons for not moving out.

Talking about the R being "salvageable" is a form of pressure. Zip it. W isn't interested in hearing stuff like this at this moment since she's made up her mind. Which is important to GAL, do your 180s, and consistent actions that demonstrate that you've changed. Actions are a lot more important that cheap words. Again, you wish to state that staying in the house as a family is important for the children's stability and well being. She's welcome to move back at home. Leave it at that. She can either choose to come back home and sleep in the other bedrooms or stay elsewhere.

She doesn't feel we can sort it out between ourselves as her idea of sorting it out is me agreeing to do what she wants.

Yep. That is how she genuinely feels at THIS moment.

This second conversation did feel to get a little heated & she definitely got emotional & angry. I tried to maintain calm & compassionate but also did find myself saying that these were her decisions a lot & I could not be made responsible for her choices. I also feel I did talk too much about how I thought the relationship could be saved and if she would just trust me all this could be made right.

I can understand it is not easy to have actual convo with W while maintaining your center. Again, zip your mouth about R and how it can be saved. She simply does not trust you at all.

I feel frustrated after this conversation because I know I shouldn't beg or plead & it feels like that is how I came across, but the things I said are the reasons why I am not willing to move out of the house. It is true that she does have these options rather than blaming me for her current situation.

Try and think about how you would have handled this better. Visualize your convos with W with validating statements, staying calm, cool & collected. And read every possible thread you can here on the boards to cut and paste any quotes/comments that you like to a file folder. I have tons of validating statements, gems, comments, and thoughts all saved on my flash drive.

I feel like I have messed this up & don't know what I should do next.

Nope. You didn't mess up at all. Sure, there were certain instances where it could have been said or framed better.

Phew! The hard part is over for now. smile Time to regroup and review your cheat sheet. Doing your homework will go a long way in maintaining control of your interactions with W.