All things dull and ugly...

[job]

The reason that most people can't let go is "fear". Fear of the unknown, fear of what will happen to them, fear that the spouse will find someone new and might not return, fear of being alone, and fear of never being in another relationship.

Try to remember that all of you are good people who have been hurt terribly. Yes you miss them...but eventually you have to let them go emotionally, physically and mentally. They have work to do and you have to go on living your lives. You can't put your lives on hold waiting for them to come home because there is no guarantee that will happen. Yes, you can have hope, but you need to have faith in yourself and pick yourself up and continue to move forward.

What concerns me is when I read the postings of posters that have been here for a long while and they continue to allow whatever their spouses say/do or their spouses moods affect their well being and how they deal w/day to day life. I know it's difficult to detach, but you have to do it for your own well being. You can't allow what they are doing to bring you down into the dark hole. You are still individuals who are smart, funny, beautiful, strong and independent people who were "individuals" long before you met your spouses. Please let go and live your lives. You have so much to offer the world and if, at some point, your spouse recovers and wants to return and walk the path w/you, so be it. If he/she doesn't, than it's their loss.

Yes, we all were/are addicted to our spouses in the beginning. We waited by the phone, computer or mailbox waiting for some tidbit to be given to us. We all were depressed, anxious or sad when we didn't hear from them and suddenly we get mail! We become so happy that finally he/she is thinking of us once again. Just like the mlcer, we didn't care if the missive was good or bad, just as long as we received something from them indicating that we were still on their minds. After the latest missive, they go back into their little holes and quiet begins again and the cycle starts all over again and we begin to think that maybe we need to contact them and when they don't respond, we become anxious and feel that we still need to do something, anything to get them to respond and so the cycle begins again. Up and down, highs and lows until we get our next missive or visit. Detaching is hard, but we all have to do it for our own well being. I do think that fear plays a huge role in our not detaching...but you have got to have faith in yourselves, your spouses, the relationships you shared, in the man upstairs as well as faith in what has worked here on this forum.

On another note...

Heather, French is a good language. What about Spanish? It appears that Spanish is being used more in the US now because we have a number of Hispanics and others utilizing this language that work here and send money home to their families in other countries. If you call a business and follow the directions, normally they ask you if you want English or another language and the other language is generally Spanish.