Being the nice person isn't always fun!

[tigerlily78]

CC... I don't think your H could "fake" the admission that he has problems and wants to seek help, and that he has done it BEFORE any movement on his part to come back seems really important to me.

If he wanted to come back and YOU made it a condition of his return, then it would be easier to second guess... but that he seems to be the one initiating the discussion about how he is feeling and that he knows changes are necessary to help him get right, to me seems GIANT.

My H yesterday had the nerve to mention he thought "the stress of dealing with me was carrying over into his interactions with OW." So yeah, what your H is saying is a WORLD APART from where most of us are.

I understand you are scared and you think things are moving to fast. The good news is, you are in a really strong position to GUIDE your H towards the help he needs and to be a pillar of support for him as he works through this... you don't have to promise he can come back yet. You don't have to promise you will reconcile. But I think you can promise to do your best to be his friend through this, especially because you recognize how important him getting through this journey successfully will be to his ability to be a sound father for your kids.

Remember, just getting into therapy isn't going to change him overnight. It's a long process. It is still going to take time. And it is completely okay for you to also say, "hold on, I need time to process the changes" and "we have both changed and ARE changing through this separation and process... we are going to have to take it a day at a time to learn to get to know each other again, I am not ready to just jump right back into a relationship pretending everything is the same. A lot is different now."