I really get your #2. I could have said exactly the same:

2. Sometimes I wonder if maybe H isn't really VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO ME and I have exaggerated things so I can have an excuse for those things I don't like about myself.

When you don't trust your judgment, run some things by objective people. If they think your H is an alcoholic, you're probably not exaggerating.

Whether or not your H is really an alcoholic, you still need to deal with the things you don't like about yourself.

Always pay close attention to bug; she's very wise.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.