All things dull and ugly...

[LoisB]

I pasted the points I could identify with below--the others didn't fit--but, there's a lot that did:

Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.

When you are in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner. Not sure on this one. In some ways, I let him go too much and trusted too much.

Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go. Hard to say because I've only bonded with one person.

When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy.

When a relationship ends, you feel your life is over and more than once you have thought about suicide because of a failed relationship. Just with this relationship. Not now.

You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship. Definitely!

Love and relationships are the only things that interest you. No, but it's high on the list.

In some of your relationships you were the only one in love. That was true in high school.

You are overwhelmed with loneliness when you are not in love or in a relationship. Not overwhelmed, but I feel a bit lost.

You cannot stand being alone. You do not enjoy your own company. This isn't true. I like being alone. I just don't like being alone ALL The TIME.

You are terrified of never finding someone to love. Somewhat.

You feel inadequate if you are not in a relationship. Somewhat. I feel lost. I've been in a relationship since I was 18.

You cannot say no when you are in love or if your partner threatens to leave you. No, I've said NO to him. He isn't living here because I said NO. And, I put my foot down when he was being all wishy washy and I sensed he was pulling away again. But, then, I came back and pursued after I did that.

You try very hard to be who your partner wants you to be. You will do anything to please him or her—even abandon yourself (sacrifice what you want, need and value). I think that used to be me. Now, I'm in this situation, partly because I wouldn't be who he wanted me to be. A full-time employee and not homeschooling D11.

When you are in love, you only see what you want to see. You distort reality to quell anxiety and feed your fantasies. This is partly true. I see what I want to see. I'm better at seeing the truth now and that's what hurts.

You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships. MOST DEFINITELY!!!!!!

You are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty—even abuse—to avoid the pain of separation anxiety (what you feel when you are not with someone you have bonded with). YES!!!! Well, hold up, I can deal with the separation--it's the possibility of it being over that does me in.

More than once, you have carried a torch for someone and it was agonizing. Yes, I guess so. In high school.

You love romance. Yes.

You have stayed with an abusive person. Yes.

Fantasies about someone you love, even if he or she is unavailable, are more important to you than meeting someone who is available. That's hard, given the situation.

You are terrified of being abandoned. Even the slightest rejection feels like abandonment and it makes you feel horrible. Yes, to some extent with H. Not so much with others though.

You chase after people who have rejected you and try desperately to change their minds. Smokey.

When you are in love, you are overly possessive and jealous. I learned to trust him over time. Go figure. But, I was a mess at the beginning of our marriage.

More than once, you have neglected family or friends because of your relationship. This is true. I can see this one.

You have no impulse control when you are in love. yes, the texting thing.

You feel an overwhelming need to check up on someone you are in love with. Yes.

You pursue someone you are in love with even if he or she is with another person. Well, yeah.

If you are part of a love triangle (three people), you believe all is fair in love and war. You do not walk away. Here we sit.

Love is the most important thing in the world to you. IDK. Maybe.

Even if you are not in a relationship, you still fantasize about love all the time— either someone you once loved or the perfect person who is going to come into your life someday. Not really. I have trouble with obsessive thoughts about H.

As far back as you can remember, you have been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies. This is true.

You feel powerless when you fall in love—as if you are in some kind of trance or under a spell. You lose your ability to make wise choices. IDK.