Validating is hard for me as well. The other night H told me that I was ignoring Ss 18. I said I was sorry that he felt that way. I love ss and that is certainly not my intention. Could he please give me some examples so I can pay more attention to the interaction next time. This made H incredibly angry.

When things are very tense and hostile I do no attempt any validation. I go as close to NC as possible living in same house.

I don't know if your sitch is that bad. What is current arrangements. Same or separate bedroom. Are you trying to continue to do things together like meals etc.?

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15