Yup, it pretty much schucks, this part of the equation. Other parts (like having the house without conflict, parenting without controversy, living MY life) are cool. But this little corner of the MLC-crisis-land stinks big time.
I reached out. I'm revealing this, knowing full well, a 2x4 is headed my way. A big one. I told him I missed him. That was it. Just "I guess I miss you."
No reply. Zilch.
I don't regret it. I guess there was a small, infintessimal chance he would respond and maybe feel the same way and give me a lil glimmer of hope. He didn't. That's ok too. It just hurts.
I continue to put myself out there, where he is concerned, hoping I will get something in return and I don't. Why do I hurt myself?
I guess I convince myself there's a small chance and maybe it's worth it. But it isn't.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I learned more about me there and I can never be grateful enough for the groups I attended and can still attend when i need a boost. I never attended a meeting that I didn't feel better as I walked out the door.
Well, maybe the first one.
Try it if you haven't.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Heather, No 2X4's today. Like a junkie, you need to hit bottom and figure things out.
The only thing I have to say is that if you want to wallow, by all means wallow. No one can make you happy or better...but yourself. You are addicted to your h and his communications. You haven't had your "high" today and you are hurting and needing it, i.e., just like a junkie needs his/her fix. You need to be going to some Alanon meetings so that you can better understand why you feel so low, especially when there isn't any activity from your mlc h. You definitely need support in breaking your addiction of your h and this is something that we can talk about until the cows come home, but until you make up your mind that you don't need these fixes to make you happy/better, the only thing we can do is listen and continue to say the same things over and over again.
On another note, I about died laughing last night. Ever watch NCIS? Well, the one guy from one of the agencies, either FBI or CIA, called another actor a walking mid-life crisis. The words MLC are starting to pop up in a lot of shows these days.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Heather, I'm basing my last posting on what you posted:
"I'm sad. Nothing is happening, no big MLC surprises or anything. Maybe that's it. Nothing is happening. I had an ok day."
Are you sad because you are unhappy w/life the way it has been going or are you sad because your h hasn't contacted you recently?
Nothing is happening, no big MLC surprises or anything. Where you expecting something to happen? Where you expecting him to text you?
My interpretation of your statements is that you were expecting something to happen, maybe a text or some type of missive from him. Some type of action. When you didn't get anything, were you sad from no action or texts from him? You sounded disappointed.
This is where I see addiction because you have "expected" him to text and yes, you've had some texts from him over the last week or so and now that he's dropped off into a quiet place, you may be sad/disappointed because there is no communication from him.
If I am interpreting your statements incorrectly, then I apologize, but you sound like you are disappointed that you've had no action from his side of the court.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You don't have to apologize. I'm just trying to understand. I'm not saying it's not true, I'm just trying to get it.
Am I addicted? I know my mom was addicted to her STBX. I'm not sure she even loved him, but she had to have him in her back pocket. She still has daily contact, but I don't think she loves him.
I guess I get confused because I know I love H. But, it's not the first time someone has said, away from the boards, that I'm addicted to him.
I just wanna squish every little drip of love outta him. I don't see why that's addiction. Ok. maybe. I do.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
If you can answer yes to more than a few of the following questions, you are probably a love addict. Remember that love addiction comes in many forms, so even if you don’t answer yes to all of the questions you may still be a love addict.
You are very needy when it comes to relationships. You fall in love very easily and too quickly. When you fall in love, you can’t stop fantasizing—even to do important things. You can’t help yourself. Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve. When you are in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner. More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change. Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go. When you are attracted to someone, you will ignore all the warning signs that this person is not good for you. Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner. Falling in love over time does not appeal to you and is not an option. When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy. The rest of the time you have a hard time trusting people. When a relationship ends, you feel your life is over and more than once you have thought about suicide because of a failed relationship. You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship. Love and relationships are the only things that interest you. In some of your relationships you were the only one in love. You are overwhelmed with loneliness when you are not in love or in a relationship. You cannot stand being alone. You do not enjoy your own company. More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely. You are terrified of never finding someone to love. You feel inadequate if you are not in a relationship. You cannot say no when you are in love or if your partner threatens to leave you. You try very hard to be who your partner wants you to be. You will do anything to please him or her—even abandon yourself (sacrifice what you want, need and value). When you are in love, you only see what you want to see. You distort reality to quell anxiety and feed your fantasies. You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships. You are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty—even abuse—to avoid the pain of separation anxiety (what you feel when you are not with someone you have bonded with). More than once, you have carried a torch for someone and it was agonizing. You love romance. You have had more than one romantic interest at a time even when it involved dishonesty. You have stayed with an abusive person. Fantasies about someone you love, even if he or she is unavailable, are more important to you than meeting someone who is available. You are terrified of being abandoned. Even the slightest rejection feels like abandonment and it makes you feel horrible. You chase after people who have rejected you and try desperately to change their minds. When you are in love, you are overly possessive and jealous. More than once, you have neglected family or friends because of your relationship. You have no impulse control when you are in love. You feel an overwhelming need to check up on someone you are in love with. More than once, you have spied on someone you are in love with. You pursue someone you are in love with even if he or she is with another person. If you are part of a love triangle (three people), you believe all is fair in love and war. You do not walk away. Love is the most important thing in the world to you. Even if you are not in a relationship, you still fantasize about love all the time— either someone you once loved or the perfect person who is going to come into your life someday. As far back as you can remember, you have been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies. You feel powerless when you fall in love—as if you are in some kind of trance or under a spell. You lose your ability to make wise choices.
