TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
What I meant to say, quite poorly, is I cannot let go because if I do, for me, it would mean not staying in this country and not keeping the door open. If I let go, I would leave. I would leave the country. And for me, that would mean starting anew. Closing the door. Leaving H in the past with everything else. And I cannot do that because I cannot do that for what I believe in my core. I WANT my kids to be raised by their father. I want my kids to have their family together. I believe in H-even through I struggle at times to do so. I am still thinking its all or nothing, and at my core I feel that there is no other way to give my kids what they need and deserve.
H being 20 percent in and 80 percent out...it's not working well for us...for my my kids or me. Things may be changing slowly, maybe, and they may not be. I believe, in spite of what H is going through, with OW present, we cannot know.
I am not making any decisions right NOW. its not the time. I guess thats why I am still here. Because the next step I would make for me, is not staying here and not keeping the door open. But that wouldnt be authentic for me right now. I want to keep my faith.I want to keep digging deep. I want to keep learning and growing. I want to trust.
I cannot let go of H and my kids' relationship. I cannot let go of the family they yearn for. So..I am still standing right now. I am still digging to keep going.
Busting, this is beautiful. Your H is so lucky to have you. You put into words how I feel today. This is what I've been wrestling with the past two months and more. You put it into words for me. Thank you.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thank you heather. Xx I need to keep rereading it.
End of week for us here. Going out now. S9 had a football (soccer) match and scored ! Yay! And then he had a school production and of course I think he deserved an oscar :-)
Both kids have friends sleeping over tonight.
Taking it day by day.
Happy weekend everyone
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I think the holidays are getting to me. In a week we will be in Europe with H's sister and brother and their families.
My SiL is my best best friend. My BIL supports me and the kids emotionally and in the sitch.
Anyway I just feel like I am on the verge of tears - I almost don't want to go. To face again H 's looks of contempt- the dismissive behaviour - the secret phone calls- the hiding- the behaviour that translates into 'busting is not my responsibility anymore' which is further translated into petty behaviours. I almost pulled out of the trip actually- thinking me and the kids can just go to my family and out of the blue D6 expressed how excited she was about the trip. So of course I didn't cancel it.
I can't believe how much I dread something I used to love so much. This was one of the best parts of marriage for me. Being with my h and our kids and his family during the holidays.
I am so tired of being alone ... I want to share my life, my world with someone.
Ok - need to pull out of this funk.
am eaning up some things in the house today. Doig a little shopping and then have the staff Xmas party tonight! Fun!!
It snowed in this part of the world last night! Not normal at all! It's freezing for us over here!!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I need help to finally detach. I want to let go of whatever fear I am still holding on to.
Can you help me?
When does MLC stop being a crisis and just the way they are? When this first started h said he had left everything in the past- he wasn't angry at me and he has simply moved on. Does MLC really last this long? Do i ever start to just normalise relations wit him - whatever is happening- so T least we can alleviate some of this pressure off the kids? Off me?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
hugs and prayers busting, I am doing the same. have spent the last hr reading... we do the work.. want to feel some relief..its there-the relief, but when do we get to get to the point that it can just be a fond memory(our old M) and not continue to hurt like he!!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
When you decide, I think? When the point comes to accept that this will be the behaviour for ever (let's say) and can you accept the way you are currently dealing with it for the rest of your and your kids' lives?
I don't know when that point is or how it happens, so I would be interested to see the answers.
I think, at least for me, I would have to lose some of the love I feel for H and move towards indifference. But I think that gets easier with less contact everytime. Or when I see some behaviours haven't changed.
I can view him with caring, compassion and love- a sense of I hope it works out for you, but from a distance instead.
I honestly think it is different for everyone and the LC and GAL etc are designed to encourage this distance
I sure wish I knew the answer to "when have they changed as much as they are going to change and now this is the way they are", expecially when it comes to how they treat us.
We go from 0 - 175 miles an hour down the importance scale for them. WE go from feeling loved to being Enenmy No. 1, often they would not treat a stranger with the disregard with which they treat us. It is such a different, abrupt change for most of us that I think that is why it takes US so long to accept it.
Even worse when they come out of the blue and try to communicate. Their actions are so confusing! WHO are they, now? Who are WE? I am at constant war within me still. I am detached, I have no fear of the future without him (although I am sad that it has to be that way) but this lingering sense of hope where there is nothing to feed it? Can't explain that one either.
Keep moving forward is all I've got for you (for me, too!) One day, I am hoping that we all will heal.
