What I was trying to point out was that I wasn't "healthy" when we got married. For the majority of our marriage, NEITHER of us would be in the "healthy" category.
about 5 years ago she became a health-nut and lost some weight and is not what I would consider "healthy". I was active the first 5-6 years of our marriage but still overweight. Then, primarily being at a desk, I wasn't active which only made it worse.
I was trying to point out that she has told me it doesn't matter to her but then she's called me fat before, asked me to cover myself up etc... If she's not attractive to me, it is what it is and like I said, I have a trainer and it will take time.
My fear is that this will not make a difference. She will come up with something else after I get in shape and look better. That's what has happened the last 20 years.
do this... I do it...it changes for a season then goes back to or actually worse than what it was. Then repeats.
So, I'm NOT losing weight and getting in shape FOR HER, but FOR ME! I do want to get healthy....for me, for my kids and to be around longer.
For 10-12 years, it's been me. All I'm saying is could it be possible it's her? And if it is, if she loved me, why wouldn't she go to the DR to try to see if everything is ok?
Instead, she just settles and says, this is me, I'm not you and don't try to make me you.
So.. this is where I am.
Mellissag, thanks for your response as well. I hear you and am trying some new things. She's worth it and I love her dearly.
To me, if she came down with cancer or was in a car wreck, this would be different. IMO-those are things she can't help. This, I believe she can help IF SHE WANTED TO but I believe she just doesn't want to help it. Having sex maybe on average 2 times per quarter is NOT normal.
It's not so much "self-worth" type of need as it is an actual human being who is supposed to be my wife to DESIRE me. Why is that so hard?
With DESIRE comes CONNECTION. With CONNECTION comes security...security gives birth to self-confidence & self-worth in my opinion. Happiness? No, I can't rely on her for happiness and wouldn't. That's a choice.
3boyzmom, jp787... thanks for replying. I appreciate it.
I talked to a therapist today... I liked him...now I'm going to see if she would go see him on her own and see if this works.
