What keeps you going?

[tigerlily78]

For me the biggest thing is love. In the same way my "H" feels compelled by his emotion to run off and be with someone else, my heart tells me I really do love him unconditionally. To slam the door and walk away would be contrary to the feeling in my heart. At least for now. Maybe in time my heart will change.

For me my son is definitely also a big part of it. I see how my H's upbringing and parental relationships really undercut his emotional foundation and I want to spare my son from similar problems if I can at all help it. I am willing to do my part to give my son a chance at having an intact family, and a good relationship with both his parents regardless of the outcome. I realize how influential this situation could be to son's future relationships.

I think there is also a sense that to me 16 years was an investment in a life together and a relationship and love that I am not willing to throw away, even if my "H" seems to be pretty okay with that at the moment. Certainly we had some hard times and challenges in our R... but overall I look back and see a positive experience. Clearly we could have had a better R if we had known more at the time and had worked at it... but no one tells you these things when your R seems to be plugging along in a "good enough" state. I know that if we did ever reconcile, I would be more mindful to WORK the relationship and not take things for granted. And in that same vein... I would hate to have regrets that I didn't do what I could to give this relationship it's fair chance. I think I owe that at least to my son and myself, but I like to think "the old H" deserves the chance as well... I fell in love with him and loved him for a reason. I don't think that reason has ceased to exist, at least not yet.

And all that being said, I think KNOWLEDGE and INSIGHT are what give me the practical strength to see this through. It is encouraging to see that there are patterns and similarities across the MLC journeys... I don't have to take this personal. It's not because I am awful. It has happened to awesome people with even stronger marriages. Some MLCers are far more challenging to deal with than mine. The OW isn't better than me, just different and filling a role she is meant to play. Etc. My lot in life now kind of svcks, but it could be a lot worse too. It helps to keep things in perspective, to see the bigger picture and the possible outcomes. There is still hope, nothing is impossible, and I will be okay no matter what happens, because I am strong and capable and loving and able to find happiness even in this challenging time.