Wife Said She's Done

[PatientMan]

PatientMan
Some of those were my goals, other where just accomplishments. I've been telling myself for a long time now that I need to quit dipping, and Im glad I did. The Drinking thing was at first for my Wife, but now that I've stopped I feel so much clearer, healthier and level headed, easier to wake in the morning, that I personally do not choose to go back to drinking. Now as for my goal that I personally want to live by are

1. To Follow and learn more from Christ. (I've been running from God for far to long)
2. Become a more Patient Man, with my kids, W, Family, Friends, Co-workers, etc.
3. To truly listen to people, and keep an open mind and not be quick to judge.
4. Continue Working out and being Healthy

Excellent!

Not just that those are all admirable, positive goals to strive towards, but also because they will provide you with a full plate to help occupy your mind!

Take action in your life to pursue each one of your goals. For example:

1) Find a church that convicts, challenges, and motivates you. Join a Bible Study or even just a men's Bible Study. Find pastors who convict, challenge, and motivate you online and sign up for their podcasts - listen to them in the car or when you're doing cardio.

2 & 3) These are self-help type areas with plenty of books to read with methods and exercises to put into practice to begin to form new habits on how you treat people and view people in general. You can find advice on what books to read here on the forum, do your own digging, or simply ask and wait for replies.

4) Eat healthy and exercise. I'm a very active and healthy person, and I strongly recommend a combination of both strength training and cardio for someone who is overweight, such as how you've described yourself. Many people will rationalize skipping the strength training because it may slow down the overall weight loss (as they put on muscle mass), but trust me, you'll want every bit of that muscle once you've stripped all the fat off of you! Let me know if you'd like any pointers in this area.

So here's your "to do" list:

1. Read DR (if you haven't already)
2. Read The Married Men Sex Life Primer 2011
3. Continue to eat healthy and exercise - this will improve body AND mind
4. Seek out what helps you reach your goals. Church/Bible Study, self-help books on patience, listening, non-judgement, etc., more information on your weight loss and health strategy (don't just wing, have a strategy).
5. Read sandi37's rules EVERY DAY. Seriously.
6. Do a lot of digging on this MB. Read other people's sitch's. There is a TON of useful information on this website.

Remember, this is YOUR journey, not some trick to get your W back.

I know you have a lot of questions right now and the world may seem like it is spinning really fast. You're best bet is to listen to those of us who have been exactly where you have been. Learn from what we did right; learn from what we did wrong...we're all happy to share what worked for us and what didn't.

Here's a little tip that worked well for me. I typed up two lists in Microsoft Word and carried them around with me in my wallet. One list was Bible verses that were especially helpful for me to read and meditate on during the especially tough times, and the other list was of helpful advice I found here on the forum.

Let me know if you want them and I'll share my lists. All I did was configure them in Word so that the font was very small and so that it would print off double sided. I would then cut off all the excess paper and...voilà! I had a 2"x4" piece of paper I could fold up and carry around with me wherever I went. I didn't need to always have my phone or my Bible or internet access. It was very handy.

And remember, I found these to be the most important for me. In all things:

• Be an honorable man.
• Be a man only a fool would leave.
• Do not fuel her fire.
• Keep the road paved home smooth.
• Made a mistake? Move on.
• Patient Endurance
• Around her you are an emotional rock. Nothing she does or says has any effect on you at all.

All this might seem like a lot to take in and digest, but you're going to get the hang of this quickly and start wanting more.

You CAN do this.

-PM