Limbo is the new normal

[slow_it_down]

NeedingMore I can tell you that I am regularly reminded that I'm on his timeframe - not mine.

This week has been really good but life is still keeping me on my toes. I feel I'm being tested at every turn. I tend to want to fix everything or to be the one saving my H from his feelings. I'm doing a much better job of validating without offering advice for dealing with frustrations in my H's life. I'm really seeing that he wants a listener, not an advisor.

I'm also not taking his moods personally and am seeing that most of what upsets him has absolutely nothing to do with me - even if he takes it out on me at times. Often if I just let something go rather than putting energy into letting him get to me, he gets a good night sleep and he's a brand new person the next day.

For example he had a miserable time out with friends and made it seem like I'm to blame for not understanding how bummed he was. In my mind I thought, gee, I haven't had free time in 3 months since our son was born, and your complaining about not having enough fun when you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.... But I just let him be in a bad mood, offered a listening ear and let it go. The next day he texted me a shirtless picture of himself. Talk about a very nice reward for not being drawn into a fight!

Part of me is so happy to be feeling like I'm getting the hang of being a better wife. The other part is wondering where life is about to go. My H is frustrated with work and is ready to apply for a new job. A new job likely means a move far away. I told him I'm not going anywhere several months ago. I'm not leaving the safety of my job and the security of having help from my family to move away with someone who has yet to move back home.

I know he doesn't want to move away from me and our S but he feels he can't stay in this job any longer. I feel he's testing my conviction in saying I won't move. I feel the needs of my kids is directly pitted against his needs right now and it's a big problem. I hate not knowing what the future holds. I need a crystal ball so I can plan more than 2 months out!