cc, I've been gone over the weekend and now just catching up with posts.
I can see a change in you since last Friday. You went from high emotion to slow, deliberate choices that reflect your integrity. I'm sure your W can see your changes because I sure can. Your caring for your D is so inspirational for me to keep making good choices for the little people in our lives.
Have you decided if a PA is a deal breaker for you?
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
It's interesting that you should mention that Bluesgal.
After the initial shock of finding out, and the hurt, hatred, high emotion, the PA was only an afterthought compared to what the EA felt like. (As many said would be the case)
Knowing that she loves this other person, and in fact has started another life with them is near unbearable at times. I was ready to throw in the towel, that is, until i spoke with my friend who is also going through this.
It gave me hope, It gave me inspiration. I remembered that i still love my w. This feeling isn't going to just go away. I'm willing to bear this until i can't anymore.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
If you give her the gift, what message do you want that to convey and what message do you think she will receive?
Gift giving to a WAS is always dicey. It can be interpreted to mean that you are still pursuing, waiting in the wings with your life on hold waiting for their return. That's not where you want to be.
Alternatively it can be perceived as a peace offering, that you have accepted their choices and are willing to be friends. That's fine if that's what you want.
The problem is that you can't control which interpretation she takes from it and trying to explicitly discuss it usually goes badly.
Generally your daily behavior will clearly communicate if you have dropped the rope or not. If you have no doubt that your W knows you have completely let go then a small gift is great. Otherwise proceed with caution.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Another really good night! W picked up D from school. W made dinner while I played with D. After dinner I thanked her and cleaned up the kitchen.
Went to the gym and had a great workout, between the weight loss from BD and being active in the gym 3 days a week I'm really starting to see a transformation.
I got out of the shower last night and had my towel on and walked out in the living room to help D. W saw me without my shirt on and said... HOLY [censored]. I smiled at her and returned to my own business. She keeps telling me how good I look, I just say thank you and move along.
My PMA was AMAZING last night. I felt so good from the gym, and D was being very sweet. I was able to just smile and I was actually singing. For the first time in a long time I felt like i wasn't just faking it.
I have also been talking to more women lately. Not in a .. hey i want to date you kind of way. More of just having a nice conversation. It puts me in a good place to listen, and be heard. I feel like it is really boosting my self confidence. Remembering that, hey, I am funny, I am interesting, and you know what! I will be ok.
D had a nightmare last night. Called for her mommy but she never went to her bedroom. So i went downstairs and scooped her up. At least I had a little cuddle buddy for the night!
