Reaching out for support and advice!!

[bluesgal]

Well, Retrouvaille is a wonderful program if....people are ready to reconcile. My H said throughout the weekend, "We're just not there right now."

The weekend was intense and an interesting way to communicate with your spouse. I think almost every couple there (about 30) left with renewed hope for their relationships....except me.

We laughed, joked, spent time together, had a little intimacy, but the distance was always there. H did participate to an extent with all of the techniques of the program. He was a good sport. I thanked him for that. We went across the road from the hotel on Saturday night after an intense 12+ hour day to a restaurant/bar. H helped me across the icy parking lot by holding my arm. We ordered drinks, had fun, then it quickly came to a halt.

H started relationship talk. He had anger, sadness, crying, and fighting. I finally had to leave him there and go back to the hotel room. Not much was said about it on Sunday other than he was "overserved".

H keeps saying that I changed who he is and when he looks at me, he see's a different person. One that hurt him, and he doesn't think he can get past that. "I'm sorry, you're just a different person to me." Help!! What does this mean. Is this normal, or will he always see me as a hurtful wife?

He said it hurts him to see the changes in me now. Like when he mentioned that he needed those things before, he wasn't good enough to change for. He said he is "broken."

On the way home, we stopped at a couple of bars and had drinks together. He told me I was the love of his life and he would have done anything for me, but I broke him. He will always "care" about me.

The kids and I moved back home the next day as planned. This definitely has him stressed. Back to the intense anger. I asked him 1 question about his schedule for the kids this week, and he flew off the handle. Said I'm always "on him".

He has asked 3 times what will happen after Christmas. I think he's either planning on leaving or filing.

Feeling sad and hopeless. Restarting DB today as we had to do relationship talk over the weekend and I slipped up yesterday with pursuing and fighting over his shocking overreaction. I feel like a failure. I didn't meet his needs in our M. Now he's so unhappy and depressed. He actually has headaches that give him radiating arm pain when he's around me. He's stressed with just my presence!!

Where is my best friend and husband? He's so far away. I am open to ANY advice. Tough love, whatever it takes. I need help with this situation. Thanks!