It's Not Over 'Till It's Over

[Fight4MyWife]

Just received an email from my wife today & then a text message to tell me she had sent me an email.

The main theme of the email is how difficult she is finding it living at her parents & not having anywhere of her own.

Me delaying mediation until January has apparently caused problems with her trying to find accommodation.

There is a lot of chaos & stress in her parents house and she is finding it very difficult to get our son into a proper routine. Her grandparents are ill & her living with her parents is causing extra stress.

She is worried about all the good work we have done with our son in his first 2 years is now being undone.

She is concerned the housing association may end up putting them in an unsafe area where windows get put through etc.

Basically she says she can't live at her parents any longer & it is all very hard and stressful. She wants some kind of decision from me about living in our house.

This is a very brief summary.

After reading the email I hit reply and was about to send her my initial thoughts on what she had mentioned, but decided I should wait & contemplate my response. My initial thoughts would most likely have been emotional responses too, so I have still not replied.

My initial thoughts are that I believed that I did give her a decision which was that she is welcome to live in our house but I do not want to move out, however I would go out of my way to make her feel comfortable & give her space.

In the early stages after BD when I was begging & pleading she accused me of being manipulative and I feel like pointing out that this email is an attempt to manipulate me to move out of the house.

I know I am supposed to "validate" (any further explanation of what that means exactly would be appreciated). I also feel like letting her know that I share many of her concerns about our son etc & have been very concerned myself for the past 3 months.

I also feel like pointing out that these are her decisions & that I can not be responsible for her decisions and that she shouldn't be trying to make me feel guilty for the decisions she is making.

I know some of my initial thoughts on this are maybe inappropriate and therefore any comments thoughts on this are welcomed.