Last night, s3 (who has been sick a lot lately) told me he doesn't like telling Mom his how he is really feeling (healthwise) because of her reaction (swearing, anger, upset) and he doesn't want to stress her out. He is a sweetheart, and a pleaser.
He asked me to tell her that.
I've asked a couple people and have gotten two possible ways to handle this...get out my Mr. Spock costume from the last Star Trek convention I attended back in the 90's and present it short, polite, to the point, "just the facts, ma'am".
The other is to sugarcoat a bit and include some "we" and me in it, that he is worried to tell both of you cause of the reaction? So it's not just on her. Approach it as a "what should we do"?
Thing is, if he were older, I would tell him that he needs to talk to his Mom about it, but he's not older, yet noy a young one, a tweener...
So far, I'm leaning the Mr. Spock way:
"S3 said something to me I thought you should know...he is not comfortable telling you when doesn't feel good because sometimes you react strongly, so now he doesn't want to stress you out" and leave it at that...truth dart style.
If I go the "we" (and she hasn't been much into "we", but occasionally it surfaces)... if I add me to the mix, it has the potential to then become about me and not our son. And, she may feel, "great, I am stressing everyone out".
So any thoughts there would be appreciated, this has to be done sooner rather than later I think. But I will consider all options and such very carefully before doing anything (72 hour rule).
This brought up another issue for me...I haven't checked in with THEM regarding the sitch and THEIR feelings, how it is affecting them in quite a while.
What if my assumptions are wrong, that maybe they have been wanting me to DO something, because they are in limbo as well. I still think the best solution is to get through this and keep the family together, what if they have a different opinion now, after so long? Their needs matter too, and I haven't asked in a long time, been too focused on keeping everything together and running as smoothly as possible.
Her latching on to s2 is very noticeable, she has even whispered awareness of it a couple times.
So, I am thinking time for a check-in , carefully done, with the boys while she's at work so it would be safer and uninterrupted.
I've always worried about quitting right before the finish, and also worried about hanging in too long, and not just with this mlc stuff, but jobs, etc, because I have done both...
Ack...where's the damned EZ Button? Lol!
Comments welcome as always.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
