Sinking into a dark place

[AnotherStander]

Those are all things SHE HAS SAID ABOUT ME ALREADY... I didn't think I was that bad until SHE let me know it

Can you please clarify this? Because here is what you've posted up to this point about it:

I've been overweight since before we met and I know I'm not that attractive. She says that isn't it but I have to wonder.

I know I'm disgusting and she tells me: "you were big when I married you, it doesn't bother me"

So, here I sit, knowing I'm fat

I know I'm disgusting

I know I'm not attractive..

I believe she's seen men who look nothing like me and I just gross her out.

What you've posted makes it sound like your size is not an issue to your W, and in fact the only negative thing you've mentioned her saying about you is she doesn't like the back hair, so you started wearing a shirt to bed. But then you refer to yourself as fat, unattractive and disgusting. So what you've posted so far makes it sound like she's fine with how you look, but YOU are not. It's an important distinction because if this is all in your head then it's a self-esteem issue and we're making suggestions based on that.

Read "The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011" by Athol Kay. ASAP. It describes your problems to a "T" and how you can address them.

I want to second this suggestion. A lot of the things you've mentioned in trying to "fix" this (helping kids with homework, going shopping with W, writing her notes, doing "whatever she wants") is all very beta behavior. Beta behavior makes women feel comfortable, but alpha behavior is what they find attractive. Your negative view of yourself is very beta as well. The book PM suggested goes deep into alpha versus beta behavior and what you can do to get your alpha back.