Journaling - Things have been going pretty well this week. I had an unexpected day off work yesterday due to the weather. The boys and I had a blast. For the first time ever, I shoveled the driveway. We went sledding and built snowmen. In the past, I have always stayed in the house and watched our youngest while H took out the older boys. It felt great that I can take care of our house all on my own. I don't need to rely upon H and that feels empowering.
After I put the kids to bed last night, I was down by the Christmas tree with a glass of wine, some cookies and watched Love Actually while I wrapped some presents. H and I used to watch that movie together every year at Christmas time. For a while I have been avoiding shows/movies that make me think of H. But I really wanted to watch it and I really enjoyed myself. I realized that I really do want to fall in love again. I am still hopeful that I will get to fall in love with H, but if not I am hopeful to have love back in my life because I have really missed it.
It has almost been five months since BD. I know that I am still at the beginning, but it feels like a lifetime. I am starting to forget what it felt like to have H living at our house. The kids and I am learning to live with our new normal.
