Wife says she wants to leave (Part 2)

[labug]

But the way she said it, it sounded like she was upset that she wouldn't be going.

You might be mind-reading a bit here, you think?

While I believe in leading with love, I also believe in protecting yourself and respecting yourself.

You told her to leave, you stated your boundary...what would be your real motivation for inviting her to your family celebration?

[ccZ28]

I've really been asking myself this question for the past few days.

Why would I invite her to our family celebration.

At first I felt like I did not want her to be alone on Christmas, I wanted to protect her.

It became more than that though. I feel like it's something that I need to do for myself. I fully expect her answer to be no. I fully expect that even though she says she will "be alone" on christmas, that she will be with OM.

However, I feel like it is important to me. To know that even after everything she has done. Even after her actions have put our family in a detrimental state, that their is still room in my heart for love.

If I lose that then I will become exactly what I don't want to be. I don't want to be the one to make the decision that she cannot go. I want that to be a decision she has to make.

[ccZ28]

Journaling,

I'm still in a good place today.

One issue I'm still having is dealing with D and her feelings. She is starting to ask more questions about what is going on. Where is mommy, why isn't mommy coming home, I want mommy.

It really breaks my heart that she has to suffer through this too. I want to grab her up and just take her away from all of this. I just kept hugging her and kissing her and telling her that I'm here. Daddy is here.

She just doesn't understand why mommy is not living in our house, in all reality she is riding the roller coaster too

W texted this morning to let me know she wouldn't be taking D to shcool this morning. I took care of it, but this has been something that they do together every morning. D was really upset. She wanted her mommy. I had a hard time keeping it together, but I knew that I had to for her.

These are the moments when living through love are the most challenging. The times when sometimes you wish hate would prevail.

I knew she was staying at OM's house. I wanted to say something, how she was choosing OM over D. But I didn't. I held myself. I didn't allow them to become more important in my head than D.

My W may not be around forever. But My D will always be.

[labug]

It is difficult but one of the reasons humans need parenting for so long is guiding them through times like these. You are teaching her how to deal with difficult things and emotions. Don't deny her emotions, support her. It's OK to cry, it's OK to feel sad, just as it's OK to be happy, it's OK to giggle and laugh.

Her sadness shouldn't make you so uncomfortable that you shut her down with things like "Please don't be sad."

I think you're doing a great job.

Have no expectations about Christmas, just make sure inviting her is what's truly in your heart and it's not about showing her what a great guy you are.

[ccZ28]

But labug... I am a great guy

Spending time with my friends this last weekend, and seeing how supportive they all were really helped. It truly made me feel like, no matter what happens I'm going to be ok.

I was originally ashamed to tell anyone. I thought they would think lesser of me. But why should I be ashamed? I'm trying to save my marriage while my W has left for an OM.

I feel stronger. More confident that I CAN DO THIS.

[labug]

You probably are a great guy and if so, you won't have to damage yourself for that to be apparent.

Really great guys have boundaries that help create strong Rs.

[SM34]

Cc you are doing a great job! I'm following along with you...

Take care of that little girl . And yourself.

[ccZ28]

labug,

You are totally correct. I definitely have things about myself that I need to work on. A huge step for me was to actually voice my boundary. It really took a lot to basically say I want nothing to do with you while you are with OM. (While in reality I just want to be with her). The next step is to follow through.

I'm still trying to define myself physically, emotionally, and for once in my life, spiritually.

Who do I want to be. Who do I want to be for my daughter. Two different questions, but they can have the same answer.

Thanks SM, I have been following you as well, I'm sorry I don't post much. I don't often feel like I have the best answers!

You take care of you and yours!

[labug]

You're asking the right questions.

You can do this.

[ccZ28]

I had already bought a christmas present for my W before I found out about the A.

Do I still give it to her? It's nothing expensive, but it was something that I thought she would appreciate.

Or do I just stick on the "from D" tag.