I do not want to put any pressure on her that is the reason that I will not bring the M up and will instead just wait to see if she says anything.
Good, that's the right approach. It's very difficult, you really have to fight the urge not to say something or ask her what her plans are; but it's best not to ask because asking is pressure.
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I just don't understand why all of the sudden affection if she still plans on leaving. I understand keeping the peace and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, but the things she is saying and all the affection are going overboard on her end if this is her plan.
Well, there's a lot going on inside the WAS's head. They may seem very calm and collected on the outside, but they are confused and in turmoil inside. They're not sure they're doing the "right" thing in breaking up the M. Often they'll try to keep the LBS on the hook as plan B in case their new, exciting, fantastic life adventure without their spouse turns out to be not so great after all. So they'll do just enough to lead the LBS along. And as long as the LBS says things like "I'll always wait for you" then the WAS will be content to cake-eat. It's often said around here that the WAS had to learn to miss the LBS, and usually that doesn't happen until the LBS gets fed up and decides they're done waiting. It's the ultimate irony, but as long as the LBS waits the WAS isn't interested, but when the LBS finally well and truly moves on then THAT is when the WAS might look back. That's why we stress giving the WAS time and space and getting a life for yourself. It's also why there are Sandi's rules about never bringing up M talks, never following the spouse around, being mysterious, etc. It's what works, not just for possibly bringing the WAS back, but for giving the LBS the tools they need to feel better about themselves and get on with living life whether with or without their spouse.
