Moving My Picnic Blanket Over Here

[bustingout]

I have been thinking about detachment and letting go.

I know I am still tied...

I cant let go of H not being involved in the kids lives. And thats what it will be. That is not speculation. I will not stay in this country, I will not keep the door open.

I cant let go of that. I want to.

He knows this. He doesnt want to let go either He doesnt want to be out of their lives and he knows thats what would happen. He doesnt want me to treat him poorly (he said this recently), which would be the opposite of how I treat him now and exactly how he treats me.

So....I am working on detaching further from H's confusion. The kindness, the coldness. Sometimes I do well. I think I mostly do well.

However, its not enough if I am still writing about it here now.

I should be telling you that I have an amazing weekend planned. Out tonight (pre weekend..!), tomorrow and friday (our weekends are fridays and saturdays)! yippee! S9 has a school production and a football tournament this weekend. Family Fun Day at school on Saturday. I should be telling you that I am learning to work through my emotions and feel better on my own, without outside validation. I whine less, observe more, appreciate more and am grateful for more. I will keep working on me.

I will keep working on me....