All things dull and ugly...

[bustingout]

Hi Heather, I hope you are doing well.

I like the post you reposted from Labug and Mach. I feel like detachment comes in layers...we used to say like an onion. You peel a little away and you start to see what it is, what it feels, like, smells like and then something happens...and you realise there is more you can detach from, more you can peel away. As we let go of those fears, we peel away another layer. It took me a VERY long time to understand three aspects of detachment:
1. its not conscious
2. its all about fear.
3. When you think you are detached, there is often more work to do.

[tigerlily78]

Heather, I will keep my fingers crossed for you that the new student works out. As a parent of an Aspy kid, I agree with you that it seems like maybe this mom is expecting too much. From my own experience, I prefer to defer to the expertise and insight of a professional teacher until such point as it becomes CLEAR that a change needs to be made. If the kid is loving it, I think that speaks volumes about the benefit he could get from working with you. Enthusiasm for learning is one of the most important ingredients... the methods are often not that important.

I can really relate to what you wrote about your inlaws. Mine are also pretty crummy people. The only difference is my H determined long before I did that they were crummy people and he wanted little to do with them. I tried to keep a bridge between H and son and inlaws for much longer than I probably should have give how they treat people. We haven't even spoken to them in a year and half, except a few very brief phone calls even though they live 20 minutes away. In my situation though I kind of feel like if H brought OW around to inlaws and they were acting like everything was swell, that my H would be faking it. Sure, the inlaws don't like me anymore really, but H doesn't actually like them either. :P

[job]

Heather,
How is the new student to work with? Has the mother indicated why so many schools? Maybe it's not so much the boy, but the mother is looking for something and doesn't know what it is she wants for her son. A child that has bounced around a number of schools before the age of 8 sends up the red flag to me.

Here's the thing, she was aware of what you offered in the way of homeschooling, you both have spoken previously and had it nailed down, so why do you have to change the way that you homeschool to accommodate this one child? She knew going in how you taught your classes.

Worksheets are the norm and they do help the children apply their thinking and can actually see what they've done. Worksheets are used in the public and private schools and yes, even in the grown up world of business. It's nice to have some hands on time as well as work sheets, but the expectation of hands on and unschooling for most of his subjects doesn't sound like he'll benefit much from it w/o the actual thinking part.

I know you would do a good job schooling this young man, but are you ready to change your way of teaching for one child? Wouldn't this disrupt your other students' school time?

Something just doesn't sound right to me about this mother and the number of schools this child has attended. If the child is happy and he has had several good days, why not wait and see how the child does for several weeks? Two days isn't enough time to determine if your homeschooling is or isn't the type of schooling he needs.

Just my two cents.

[LoisB]

Thanks guys.

Yup, I'm having the same feelings. And, it's really about the mom and not the kid. I could do wonders with this kid.

My red flags went up when she told me last night, (I'm paraphrasing) "He just can't do worksheets." Huh?

So, she goes off onto this tangent about what works for him and how Montessori had this curriculum with hands-on stuff for math and so forth.

So, I asked her to back up. What about the worksheets didn't work? What happened? How much did he get done.

Well, it turns out, that the boy gave her issues about doing the worksheets. Go figure, he didn't want to do his math!! There's something new!

But, she worked with him and he got it done. When he completed the two pages I asked for, she pushed him to go further. The boy replied, Miss Heather said I only had to do two pages. The kid was spot on. I was clear with both he and mom that I wanted him to do two pages and he COULD do more if his brain wasn't too full.

He knew his limits and stopped.

Apparently, this episode lead to mom and dad having a convo about worksheets and my curriculum and this lead to mom deciding my curriculum wouldn't work and this lead to her thinking maybe he needs to go somewhere else. Wha????!!!!!

The kid did what I asked.

As for the boy. I like him. He is full of love and gives me at least two bear hugs each time I see him. He is bouncy and has some obvious social problems. He doesn't know how to fit in.

I think he would be a huge distraction to my other kids. I see this boy as someone I would need to work with one-on-one academically to get things done--at first. I do think he has what it takes to be part of the group, but I don't see mom having the patience to see it through.

[labug]

I homeschooled my kids or rather they schooled themselves. What do you do? Are you in a state that has to have a certified teacher involved? For me, this "work with one-on-one academically" was the beauty of homeschooling.

But I digress...
Sorry if you've explained this ^^ elsewhere.

I just read the old post of mine. I don't go back and read my old stuff but it's nice to know there is nothing I would change about what I wrote. Mach was a big help in asking all the right questions throughout my early time here.

We all have the answers inside us.

[LoisB]

Hi LaBug,

Thanks for stopping by! I loved what you wrote. It just fit for me right now. I'm so much better with clear cut instructions.

I run a cottage school. I help homeschool parents homeschool, essentially. I have about 6 students right now. We have lessons in groups and one-on-one. I also coach parents and kids by providing lesson plans for a week or two and then checking with the kids bi-weekly to make sure the work is getting done. If mom stinks in math, then I can help make sure the math is understood and getting checked off the list.

My daughter has Asperger's and I have worked with students who have learning disabilities, usually after they have struggled in a mainstream school. Sometimes, as in this case, I help to transition them back to a mainstream school after a particularly bad time of it.

I wish I could afford to just homeschool my own daughter and provide her one-on-one all the time. My business was my answer to keeping her home after the separation without having to force her into public school again. It was really traumatic.

My H still struggles with accepting she has Asperger's. Two weeks ago, he made a really mean remark to me about how "I need a job and she needs to ride the bus."

God, maybe he just isn't a nice guy.

Anyway, I wish I could afford to work with each of these students alone, but the best I can do is small groups. This mom is having issues because I think she wants to be able to provide him with one-on-one with her, but she can't afford to stop working and he is a lot of work. I run into this a lot. It's sad.

In Ohio, you need a Bachelor's degree to homeschool someone else's kids. I am looking at becoming certified in teaching and getting my Master's in Language Arts with a specialty in reading. My B.A. is in English and I have a background in writing. I love working with kids with reading problems.

I have a blog. If you google Bramble Farm Cottage School, Wordpress, it should come up. I haven't done much with the blog since summer. It's a bit outta date.

[labug]

Interesting, I knew these were around but weren't very prevalent in my HSing years. I've been out of that loop for awhile. Thanks for the explanation, more like a very small private school.

I'm originally from So. Ohio!

Newsflash, your H may not be a nice guy.

[LoisB]

Southern OHIO! That's just south of me! I'm up North.

What if I'm too nice for him?

What if his mean, nasty family has finally gobbled him up for good?

Always gotta the sense that he was a guy divided in two. Half was who he was inherently, while the other half was this addict, selfish, A-hole who felt most comfortable with people like his parents--kinda selfish, mean people who were always out for number one. I never heard his family promote good behavior in an effort to make a person happier with himself/herself--it as always in an effort to look good to everyone else.

For today, he is choosing the ick. And, that's ok, because I don't want to live with ick. But, it makes me sad.

Pretty snowy day here.

Still thinking about this student and coming up with lesson plans for all my students.

[LoisB]

Oh, I meant to say...the guy underneath the addiction, family, depression, etc... is a really good guy. But, it was hard work for him to be with me. His parents were always there pushing him to explore the "fun" side of life. They blamed me for labeling him an addict. Told him he never had fun with me. Told him I put ideas into his head. Told him he needed to relax and party and have fun with his old friends (alcoholic friends). Very antiquated thinking.

Their way was always easier. Much easier. He doesn't like to work hard. His family's way is much, much easier. Don't acknowledge problems, just surf on top. When the big waves hit, blame someone else.

[LoisB]

It will be interesting to see what conclusions he comes to on his own. Very interesting, but it could take a very long time. Not sure he has what it takes. At least not based upon our history together. His moments of clarity seem to be growing smaller and smaller and smaller.