Just trying to figure out my own timeline here, so I figure a lot of it started in early 2012 with the crazy working out, P90X, losing tonnes of weight, etc. 2012 was a bad year for us with lots of resentment building between us and me feeling something was wrong but not being able to place what it was. Then, of course, BD in Feb. 2013.

Crazy to think of how many changes H and I have underwent over the past 10 months.. from the "I don't love you", to going to counseling, then limbo for 3 months and not knowing whether we are going to work on things, and then separating, getting lawyers, and now wanting to work on things.

If he moved in again, and then decided to move back out again, I think that no, I would not be ok. I have all of these sad memories of him packing up his "getaway" bag to head to his brother's place, when we had our trial separation and when we actually separated. It hurts just thinking about it. I remember sitting on the back deck and him holding his bag saying, "I'm leaving now." and walking out. And me starting to bawl when he was gone. I never imagined my H would leave. I can see what you are saying, and thank you for looking out for me.

I definitely feel like now is our chance, to get things right, so we have to be smart how we go about this. I feel I would be sad if he wasn't here by Christmas, because we are a family and I want him around for the holidays. I know it's perhaps selfish and not realistic maybe. Perhaps a solution would be to have him stay overnight for a good chunk of the holidays, 4 or 5 days overnight, so I don't get that feeling of sadness. And of course I will have to see what he says, and I will wait for him to mention anything.

<3,
-cp

M: 8 yrs T:14
Twins:7 S:5
BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013
Mar/Apr/May: MC
June: "living in limbo"
Sept 12: H moves out
Oct 20: reconciling
Jan-Feb 2014:MC
Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.