All things dull and ugly...

[LoisB]

I was reading through old threads and came upon this post originally written by LaBug. I hope it's OK with you LaBug, I'm pasting it below. Some of the post was written by Mach. This really resonates with me right now:

But in doing that we miss the struggle, the development of new muscles whether they be mental, emotional or physical. Without the pain of struggle maybe the change is incomplete and we never quite get to the other side or crawl out of the hole.


Originally Posted By: Mach1
The only time you are stuck, is when you find yourself on the cusp of taking a big step in your life...

You know you have to take the step, yet every ounce of fear in your body, will not allow you take that step.

What is keeping you where you are ? Fear. Fear that I'll be alone, fear that no one will love me fear of the unknown. For controllers like me this fear is what drives us. Everything must be well thought-out and planned to the nth degree so I am not seen as the imperfect person I am. Life without H was not a part of my plan.

And why are you allowing that fear to drive you backward ? I think it's in the grappling with it that I develop the strength to move forward.



What I've learned about detachment in the last couple of days=I have more work to do.

When I do things wondering if H will notice or respond, I'm not detached.
When I wonder what he's doing and if he's thinking of me, I'm not detached.
When I make plans based on what he might be doing, I'm not detached.
When I wake in the morning wondering if there will be an email from H, I'm not detached.
When I still obsess on what I could have done differently, I'm not detached.
When I dissect everything he does or says for hidden meaning, I'm not detached.
I've come a long way but I'm not there yet.


Originally Posted By: Mach1
That is still a part of looking back at them for our answers, and that we need a physical sign from them, to let them go.Yes, exactly what I was looking for. I've lived my life looking for signs from others on the right thing to do, the right thing to say, the right way to look...

What you will learn, is that the part of letting them go, that you are approaching....is not a conscious decision. It is a state of mind that you get to. It is hard fought, and full of twists and turns.The fear of loss is the path to the Dark Side.~Yoda



I'm getting there, I'm getting there I just need to keep walking my path with an open heart.

People get into a heavy-duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished. That's not the idea at all. The idea of karma is that you continually get the teachings that you need to open your heart. To the degree that you didn't understand in the past how to stop protecting your soft spot, how to stop armoring your heart, you're given this gift of teachings in the form of your life, to give you everything you need to open further.~Pema Chodron

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