R, I hope you know how much I care about you. I want to be sure that you know where I am coming from. It is because of how I feel about you that I want to be completely honest with you.
May I ask if you are still in MC? Forgive me if you have already told us. I hope you are still going. Many people quit when things even out and they shouldnt. You said he was satisfied with the visits to the MC. Were you?
I fear that you want so much for him to be happy that you sometimes overlook whether you are. I want so much for you to be. Your happiness matters, too. Your feeling good about things. Your being ok with saying if you arent all the time.
Part of that comes from finding you and learning your worth. I know you are on the path to learning that.
Please dont be afraid of ruffling feathers, R. You are a point where you can still be compassionate and understand he is still working through things, and also be heard.
It is a new marriage. He and you are different people than you were before. I think the foundation of any new relationship has to be honesty. I am not talking about trust here. I am talking about being honest about your feelings. The good and bad ones.
I like what Job said. "You both have to grow separately in order to come together and live your new lives in a more meaningful way. You both were separate individuals when you married and once you married, you became one...but along the way, rH, you lost your self in being a wife, companion and mother. Now, you need to start focusing on how you want to shape your new life."
I sometimes feel as if you are so grateful he came back that you dont matter. Your feelings, your interests, your likes and dislikes. You matter, R.
I am so glad his actions show love for you. You deserve that.
I understand it is all so overwhelming at times. It is a work in progress. There will be fits and starts. Just rememher to stay true to you.
You know, I think you keep bringing stuff up from the past because you havent felt that he is sorry and regrets it. So, you keep mentioning it in the hope that one day he will.
It is different for everyone how they learn to forgive and to trust again and what is needed in order for that to happen really and truly. Find your way.
More than anything, I want you to be a vibrant, happy growing person. For you.
