Sinking into a dark place

[MrBond]

"Look MrBond... I thought this was a place I could "complain" but I guess not."

Of course you can complain. HOWEVER, what you are doing isn't complaining. It was you self depracating yourself. If you don't feel like you or anything is going to change, why are you here?

I have a feeling that you do think things can change, which is why you're on here. YOUR SUCCESS DEPENDS ON YOU!

"Those are all things SHE HAS SAID ABOUT ME ALREADY... I didn't think I was that bad until SHE let me know it."

You made it sound as if YOU were saying you were disgusting. So which is it? Disgusting is a very strong word. Either way, you can do something about it.

"I realize the love/sex thing. The thing is, sex isn't about the physical part. That's the icing on the cake... the cake to me is what it does for me emotionally. It makes me feel closer to her and gives me the feeling she actually desires me."

That's your problem. You are so dependent on her that you don't have any self esteem. It's your confidence that will make you attractive. Confidence in your abilities, confidence in your path, CONFIDENCE IN YOU.

"Why that is? I don't know. I wish I could change it. "

Because something probably happened to you that made you afraid of being alone or you felt that you had to please people or feel accepted by them. Who knows?

The bottom line is that you CAN change it. But it doesn't sound like you want to. Again, so what do you want to do? Fail or succeed? Do you want to feel the way you do right now? If not, then you can also CHOOSE to NOT to feel that way. It's all a choice.

Even the working out. Do it for YOU. NOT to satisfy your W. You don't live for her, you live for yourself. Once you do that, she will follow.