I found for me, the way to really forgive myself was to acknowledge that I am not a bad person. I am not unloving or unkind.
Why is it that you can love and accept your wife with all her scars, and you cannot love you with all yours?
I am not a bad person. I was typing this earlier, but edited it and didn't post it. I feel like every day I try to be a good man. I am not perfect. I guess I have felt for so long that the most important people in my life didn't appreciate me or love me for that man that it obviously wasn't enough. W hasn't made me feel really loved in a long time. And I'm sure she would say the same about me.
I have always felt like I had a stable, wonderful upbringing. W had a very tumultuous childhood. It makes sense that she has scars and imperfections. I shouldn't have them. I never wanted for anything. My parents were factory workers that made sure I had anything I needed. I worked as soon as was legal to help, but I never went without. I appreciate now how much they gave up for me. In the end, there was nothing between them but me. I shouldn't have scars. I should be happy and well adjusted. W's scars and imperfections are warranted. I have compassion for her. I have always loved her ability to persevere. I've said to her multiple times since BD that she's not a quitter and I don't expect her to quit now.
W told me she fell in love with me and continued to love me because is accepted her and her family as is. Why can't I do the same for myself?
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
