Hoping to still move forward, huge setback

[cbtdad]

Well I seem to be coming to a crossroad in my marriage. The W and i have been having a really tough time since Saturday night and of course it all stems from the past. Saturday night she went to a friends house who is mutual friends with OM. She went with my son because I had to work and she ended up staying the night there. The couple also has a 4 year old son. This couple is friends with the other couple that we have become close with. Originally I had told my W a few months ago at the time that if she wanted to be around this group of people we could see how it goes, but that I had no interest in gettting to know any other people that are connected to OM. It brought up so much hurt and anger Saturday night that I sent a text to her and it was about as honest as I could get. The text was as follows:
"You have no respect for my feelings and you proved it tonight. I couldnt have made it more clear this afternoon and you said, "yI get it" yet your actions are dictated by everyone else. Im serious W. Im sorry. I cant be in a marriage that I feel I have no respect. I will never be ok with any of this and tjis just proved it tonight. I just cant do this anymore. It's been 6 months and I cant even get you to say you're married to me on facebook. You wont wear your wedding ring. You cant say you love me. You want nothing to do with me sexually. You continue to hang out with people who are all connected to a guy that you had strong feelings for and argue with me why thats ok. All at the same time without showing me any affection unless i beg for it. This just doesnt seem to be something that will last long term. Thants as honest as it gets"
The response that night: " Whatever cbtdad. Im wearing my ring and I never planned on spending the night. I never said what time I would be home either. At this point you ruin any good time can have and would rather me be miserable"

move forward to this morning. I asked her to do something for me and she got upset quickly. I told her that I was leaving for work adn that I was going to get a hotel room and use sometime alone to think about things. Because we are set to sign a loan on the house Thursday morning and now Im worried about doing that at the moment. I get a text from her when I get to work, "I love you it kills me each time you do this"
She seems to always do this when she can tell Im at the end of my rope. This same couple is throwing a Christmas party in a couple weeks, which of course I will be working and even if i wasnt I do not want to go.
Anyways I asked the wife if she was planning on attending.
she says yes she would like to go.
I have beem straight up with her how much anxiety i have anytime she is around anything or anyone that has connections to OM. I have told her that I am trying so hard to move on from the past. It will never fully go away because of the horse industry and I have compromised on being friends with the one couple that she is close woth the wife, even going on a cruise with them in Feb.
But ive told her she is just compouding the problem by getting to know more people that are connected to OM and hanging out with them.
At this point I feel like I am about to become a WAS. I did something MWD should never do, but I sent her a text and told her to decide between that part of your life or this marriage. To let me know when I get home.
I am so tired frustrated with all of this. I feel like she doesnt care how painful it is. We dont discuss a lot of these issues when we should and it starts to build resentment in me, especially the lack of sex and sexual interest towards me.
Then unfortunately something snaps and my anger comes out again.
Maybe I am being controlling. Im sure thats how the W sees it. But I feel like I have compromised as much as I can with this.
Anyways, glad I got all that out.