I felt those deep down to my core. I dont anymore. I have forgiven myself.
Just wanted to tell you that you wont always feel that way.
It is important for you to realize that you didnt do or not do those things with the intent to hurt or cause harm particularly to your wife or marriage.
You were hurt, you didnt realize, life was happening.
For me, that made a difference in being able to fogive myself.
That and learning from it all, understanding it, and trying each day to do things differently.
Forgiveness is for us. It just is.
I know what it is like to feel unloved, unworthy. I do.
But my mother and others did what they knew, what they learned and the best that they could.
And if I continued to hold onto those feelings and feelings of anger, it didnt change that. But it did change me.
That wasnt ok with me.
We, all of us, make mistakes. Doesnt make us bad people. Doesnt make us unworthy of forgiveness. It just makes us human.
It is in holding onto those regrets, it is in not changing and growing, that are the real issues.
I know you feel badly about your dad, your friend, your wife.
Feel that and than let it go. Trust that they did the best they could and that you did, too.
Then forgive you. Because if you dont, you dont move forward. You stop figuring out how you can become the best you.
I found for me, the way to really forgive myself was to acknowledge that I am not a bad person. I am not unloving or unkind. I am just someone who tries to do the right thing. Sometimes I do, sometimes not, but, that is always the goal.
I want to ask you something.
Why is it that you can love and accept your wife with all her scars, and you cannot love you with all yours?
