Hi C. You did an amazing job apologizing to your wife. No matter what happens, you will be proud of yourself for handling this situation with dignity and grace. You will be able to teach your D how to act in tough situations.
I think you did a great job setting the boundary. I just set a similar boundary with my H - I cannot have a relationship (friendship or something morr romantic) with H if he is in one with OW. However , I recommend that you continue to work on a postivie coparenting relationship with your W. A while ago I told h that I would let him know when I made a big plan with the kids and he is welcome to join us if he would like, but that I was not going to ask everything. For example I told H that I booked breakfast with Santa event. H asked if he could join us and I said he was more than welcome. I would have gone with or without him. Both H and I are aware that these events are for the kids. We are mommy and daddy, not friends or husband and wife. With the kids there, most of our convo is about them anyway. I will say that it gives my H and I some time to connect and we have made some great memories as a family. I can still enforce my boundary because this really is about the family. I think that you can tell your W that you and d will be going to your family and she is welcome. I would put it out there for her to consider and not ask over and over. If she comes it will be a good family event. If not you and D will have a great time. Just try to separate the co-parenting stuff and the friendship/marriage stuff. Regardless of what happens with your M, your W will be in your life forever because of your D.
Great job and I will be following since our sitchs are very similar.
