I put my arm around W a we walked and she put her arm around me. She seemed to be squeezing a little hard and kind of had her head on my shoulder a little as we walked. We did this for probably 30 seconds before I pulled away. Its the most physical contact we've had in months but I think ill be working in more touch now.
Boy I read your posts and it seems like the same old song and dance from months ago. "I did X and I think it worked, so now what I need to do is more of X." I'm not saying you shouldn't work in some physical contact, but DROP THE EXPECTATIONS and STOP the CONTROLLING and MANIPULATING!!!! Every time you have some interaction like this with your W I sense that you're watching her like a bug pinned under a microscope to see how she reacts. Physical contact needs to be natural and done almost without thought for her to be receptive to it.
Quote:
I have no idea what's going on with OM
And that's where you should have stopped, because this...
Quote:
He's also not commenting or liking her posts in FB and I know that's huge for W. She gauges how much people care about her by how much they pay attention to her posts. Part of that low self esteem thing again.
... is complete mind-reading and "more of the same" behavior for you. You've always had this attitude that you have her totally figured out. But you don't. And you never will. So quit trying.
Quote:
So where do I go from here? Pull back? Show more affection?
Well if you hugged her and she was receptive to it, why would you pull back? DB'ing is about continuing to do what works. But don't go overboard either. A hug from the side like you described is not really affection, so I don't think this calls for showing "more affection" either. Just keep giving her time and space and give her a hug now and then if she's open to it.
Quote:
This could be a time she is receptive to touch. In the past, she has been most receptive when its been the longest without contact with OM. Makes sense since there is a detox period.
If we gave out gold stars for mind-reading your signature would be plastered with them, LOL! It's been so long that you've been engaging in the same old behavior that I'm starting to think maybe you really can't change. So there's your challenge- prove me wrong.
