Im so conflicted. I know that to DB I have to be ALL IN. And emotionally I am. I am thinking about acting AS IF. but not real clear on it. I am acting as if I am happily moving on with my life with or without him. The happily part is the big act of course because inside I am sick.
I know that my not contributing financially is the biggest reason for his falling out of love with me. So, to correct that I am finding a higher paying job(s). I am having some success too , it looks like I can nearly double my income. I would love to be able to hand him the money every month to ease his burden, and to show him that I CAN do this.
BUT. Im afraid because the fact is, he may divorce me anyway & Im absolutely going to need that money for my daughter and I to move on.
I am in the process of establishing credit in my own name, completely without him. So, i had to start with a secured credit card, did that. Im told I should take out a secured loan (with my own money) and pay that to establish credit. I can do that. I could do it with my daughters tuition. Im thinking of asking my husband to put one of the bills in my name, so that I can pay it and use that as well. That might kill two birds with one stone - eastablish some credit, and show him Im particpating financially. I could ask him, dont know if he will.
So, there is my conflict. Open to suggestions here.
Meanwhile, he was just slightly friendlier yesturday than he has been the past month since Bomb Day. But thats not really unusual, weve been friendly roommates for awhile now. It does feel like the anger in the house has dissapated somewhat. Relief on his part maybe, effort on mine, and my daughter has chosen to take the high ride and try to be civil.
