w2g t2 ..... good job. You sound like you've got yourself under control. Admiration!!
cheering for you!!
Magic!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I was going to go into how what "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" started, "Stranger in a Strange Land" finished, but that would be a dangerous diversion into my book nerd-ness...you don't want to get me started there, ask my kids!
Yes, slow and steady, still curious as all heck about what is going to emerge from the mlc cocoon.
Forgiveness and trust have been my mental focus, working through those, because both are going to be required which ever way this all turns out.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Thank you Jack, and welcome back! I remember one of your first posts to me 2 years ago almost, that I had a pretty good plan, that was so encouraging. It really helped me get diggin'...
The chili recipe's author may, or may not, want their identity known, but man...what a winner recipe!!!!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T^2, I really needed to read this today. In a very good M, I should think forgiveness and trust would be constantly functioning in both spouses. And who wouldn't want to have a spouse that forgave and trusted you!
Thanks for bringing this up and thanks, Jack, for highlighting it!
rH
P.S. When I read your post about the chili and the song from ZZ top, I immediately heard that in my head -- it was perfect. We saw them in live concert earlier this year.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I don't know if you want it or not, but I'll share my idea of forgiveness, or you could like sift through 10K plus posts. : )
To me and for my wife forgiveness meant, that once I forgave her, I could and would NEVER use what I forgave her for in an argument ever. Otherwise it's not really forgiveness you know? If it can and is used as ammo in a fight...then you lied about forgiving her.
That's not to say we didn't talk about it, but not is a weapon sort of way. It was never used to cut.
As for myself? Forgiveness meant that I stopped kicking myself in the teeth for my mistakes. I took awhile to stop feeling bad and simply use the mistakes as a learning point. Now don't get me wrong I still feel bad about my mistakes, the difference is I don't really dwell on them.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Trust but verify...and slowly stop verifying...until you feel that your trust is not misplaced.
Trust took me a long while, years. When I gave it back too quickly, because I 'wanted' too, because I 'wanted' everything to be good again I was foolish and got burned...rather I burned myself, she wasn't deserving of trust at that time and I was stupid.
Now? Oh God yeah. I don't even remember the last time I looked at her phone. But I used to.
Years, and that sounds bad, maybe daunting? It's not; I 'mostly' trusted her; I was verifying. It's not like I didn't trust her on a daily basis, most days the thought of trust never came up, but when it did, when the little monkey in my brain started chattering away, yeah I checked.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
This summer when I told my W I forgave her, I even gave myself a consequence if I did ever use what I forgave her for as a weapon or tool to get what I want (well, you cheated so I deserve a Porsche)...that I would automatically forfeit the discussion, even if "I was right"...and man, she knows how much I would hate THAT...to forfeit even if I was absolutely correct... lol
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Years, and that sounds bad, maybe daunting? It's not; I 'mostly' trusted her; I was verifying. It's not like I didn't trust her on a daily basis, most days the thought of trust never came up, but when it did, when the little monkey in my brain started chattering away, yeah I checked.
Do you think you felt like you trusted yourself to "know" or "intuit" when to verify?
Or was it somewhat some ego "self-protection" or controlling "habit"?
Or ?
That is what I am digging and sifting through, getting to my own truth there. Do I truly trust myself, my intuition, or do I still have some ego-protecting controller demons to exorcise?
That is the question...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
