Thank you so much for your insight, Sandi. It always, always helps. Let me say that again...ALWAYS.
I can see for sure how it appears that my changes were for her because I want her to see them and acknowledge them as real....as material. At the same time, though, she has yet to view them that way (or at least that is what I see/feel...I could be wrong). However, I don't see myself slipping backwards into where I was. And even in some of the minor relationships I have found myself in I see a lot of those changes coming to life and actually appreciated and refreshing to some women. Granted, I still don't think I am ready for a serious relationship yet. So to that end, though I do want her to notice - I think that they were made for me with her as the catalyst. I say that because I remain vigiliant about keeping my changes going, I NEVER want to have the old me impact another relationship like this again, and I actually like being new me. I am for SURE a work in process on this journey still -- but I like my changes. But yes -- I wish she liked them as well and saw them as worth returning to -- so I 100% see your point. I need to stop making it about her...even a little bit.
When you ask "pushing away from what?" I think the answer is me. But as many here have said - including you, I am not pushing, she is backing away. It's such a childish notion "I need her to like me"....but I have a hard time fighting it.
