To be short! The thing that is bugging me the most is that I seem to be making the wrong calls and that I have been doing this since the start of this. If I act on my feelings I backslide and if act on my brains it seems like I am playing games…sometimes I don’t know what is up and down That’s why I decided to follow advice from Sandi as strictly as possible and I still do and will keep doing this until I don’t feel like it anymore! That decision has helped me tremendously!
Right now I am still LRT-dim but have opened up a little 7-10 days ago (I don’t know how well you know my sit). W is contacting me a lot and I contact her as little as possible but trying not be jerkish! I know from friends that W is sad and crying but she is always happy and upbeat with me. It seems like she has evolved into the master of PMA If you need me to fill you in then let me know! My threads are awfully long!
The issue with these 2-3 invitations: She invited me for her birthday and I believe that she would like me (and S10) to attend. I do not feel like attending, but….: Act on feelings: I don’t go Act on brains: I maybe go (feeling awkward there will make it hard to ve fun, loose, alpha and so on) Act on being nice: I do go Focus on me: I don’t go Focus on things that brings me closer to goal: I maybe go The pro’s and con’s add up to a list that my brain simply can’t find heads and tails in!
Then she invited herself over on the 23. That I am cool with. My place, good for the children and so on – all fine!
The church and neighbor thing is also on her birthday. Church is at 10, then some hours at neighbors and then birthday party. I would love to attend the church and neighbor thing with the children - but without W. I really do not think that’s the place to hand over children, bags and so on. Children haven’t seen W for a week (besides 23) and they will eat her – that might make me feel left out! If I do not attend the birthday then W, Ds and possible others will leave for her birthday and that might seem strange to S10. I will feel awkward there.
That’s why I thought about inviting her to my place before the church and give the Ds some time to adjust. Then arrange something great with S10 so it won’t seem strange that we do not attend birthday.
…so what’s bugging me I want to do right, I want to do what’s best for my children, for me and for the possibility of R – but I F it up a lot!
Wonka, thanks – I do hope the above make sense. It might seem like I am low on PMA, confidence and so on – I do not feel that’s the case at the moment. I just want to make the right calls and I do not have the experience and the knowledge to do this.
That said: I also have a hard time not reading anything into Ws actions at the moment. It was so much easier just declining everything
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
