The Brave Man

[JFun51]

I think most of us are not taught how to forgive others, much less taught how to allow ourselves to be forgiven.

What does that look like? What does it feel like? How do you know you really have been?

I'm still trying to figure that out...it's a tough weed.

Forgiveness has many definitions. As I look today and try to delve into what it looks like and feels like, I find that it is terribly important in so many faiths in the history of the world. Many more passages in religious texts about forgiveness than there are about justice or revenge. One must let go of the negative emotions one has towards the offender. To forgive yourself, you have to let go of the guilt and shame that is associated with your own actions.

I have to work on understanding that I have failed at certain points in my life. That doesn't mean I have to carry that with me forever. For those I have failed, I offer up apology and ask for their forgiveness. It is up to them to give it. My greatest struggle is to find that for myself. Many times in life, we are our own greatest critic. Any person that has a conscience is haunted by mistakes, failures, and what might have been. Just like we can't let other people's actions determine our outlook on life, we cannot let the past taint our now and our future.

Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing bad behavior. It is accepting that people are not perfect. It is allowing the offender to take ownership of their failures. Forgiveness is an Act of Love. To forgive someone that has wronged you, you must love them enough to believe these actions are not who they are. So to forgive oneself and shed guilt is to truly love yourself.

This isn't narcissism. This is an enlightened understanding that we are fallible beings that make mistakes. Our moral compass tells us right and wrong. Without that, we are robots, sociopaths, or machines.

Forgiveness and Compassion go hand in hand. I can have compassion for my wife in her current MLC fog because I have taken the time to examine her childhood and I understand why she is struggling. In fact, I had that compassion before this crisis. I loved her for who she was, including all her faults and scars. She is a beautiful, loving woman because of them.

Finding that for myself is harder. There is hope. I have the ability. I have new tools available thanks to this process. I pray on my knees by my wife every night for strength, courage, and hope. All of these things can help me find forgiveness.