I am almost expecting things to get bad again and for her rollercoaster to continue.
Well you're certainly seeing some good signs from her, but you are right to be cautious.
Quote:
I will continue with the DBing and GAL and following the 37 rules, I am feeling better and seeing progress. My question to others is how do you know when her actions are no longer part of the rollercoaster and when it is time to try again?
When she says she is committed to working on the M. If/ when she says that, then tell her what your boundaries are for reconciling. One should be that she is to break off all contact with any OM. I don't know if there is an OM or not, I see you mentioned in your first post that there was an old BF she was in contact with, if she's still in contact it has got to stop even if she says they're just friends. Another boundary might be that she needs to agree to MC, it sounds like you didn't have much luck in MC before but that could be because A) you had a poor C and/ or B) your W wasn't committed to it. There are some tips in DR in how to find a good solutions-based MC. Also see if Retrouvaille is available in your area, it is a fantastic program that will give you excellent communication tools. MrBond usually suggests that the LBS encourage the WAS to set up MC or RetroV and I think that's a good idea because it shows if they're really committed or not.
Quote:
I do not want to miss the opportunity if it is presenting itself, but at the same time I am hesitant to believe it?
I'm skeptical too, it seems far too soon for your W to come out of the fog. But perhaps she's not a full-blown WAS but was just angry over her belief that you were having an A (even though you weren't) and was lashing out over it. Regardless, don't try to "go back to normal". Clearly the M wasn't working, so when she's willing to try, you've got to change the dynamics and build a NEW relationship with her.
