Tiger, NQ, 2t, thanks for the support. I think I'd have run away to a remote llama farm somewhere if I didn't have the people on these boards.
The timing of all this cr@p just [censored] royally right now. I hadn't told my H because I didn't think he would care. But when H and S were taking off to do some light errands, he asked me if I needed my car and I said no, I was staying around to work on my resume and christmas cards. He said 'Resume, what's going on? Still bad huh?' Well I lost it and started crying and told him what was going on. I told him sorry I didn't want to bother him with this and cry in front of him. I said 'Why does everything just suck right now?' He gave me a big hug and said 'I'm so sorry, really, I'm sorry'. That made me cry more and we hugged again.
Our past few days have been good too. I've been remembering to thank him for doing things around the house as he is an AOS guy. He seems to perk up after that, so maybe it is sinking in. This morning he vacuumed under the couch, as we were moving it for our xmas tree, and after he was done I said 'Thanks pooky!' I remember I could see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me, kind of surprised. I know he wonders how I can be so nice when he is making such cr@ppy decisions right now. He always looks at me with sheer wonder when I thank him for things.
Then he brought up my Bday and what S thought he could get me. S was saying 'well let me just use one of your ideas' to H and he was saying 'No S you need think of something really thoughtful'. That kind of surprised me in a nice way. So at least H is thinking of my bday, but I still have no expectations on anything from him. We shall see!
Another interesting story, he also brought up how a guy at his work, who is kind of a real jerk, was talking about a gift for his wife. His idea was to get her some comedyworks tickets at a place where he and his buddies could also smoke cigars. H and his other male friends at work kind of eyed each other in disbelief when this guy said that. After that guy walked away, they all said 'Can you believe that? He thinks that is something nice for his wife? More like it is all about him!' and they laughed about it. Then H said to the group 'That would be like me getting W <my name> tickets to go see motocross!' When he told me this I was like staring at him because I thought OMG HE IS IN THERE. That sensitive guy I used to know! He actually thought of mentioning me at work and in a thoughtful way!!!! Holy cow, batman. That was so nice to hear.
H and S also willingly brought up, and set up, the Xmas tree when I asked, so that was nice. I'll be working on that when he leaves for his 'football game' this afternoon. yay for happy christmas thoughts!!
Sigh. It's an adventure in self-discovery.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Pud, I hope your work situation improves. Sometimes you just need to wait it out until your new boss settles down in her role. Maybe it is the test for your patience.
I’m glad you H expressed some “normal” behavior and feelings. There are some small “baby” steps there…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
kp, thanks for saying that. I am glad it projects as calmness because I feel like a mess inside. This is something I don't need on top of the marital sitch. Bleah.
bf, Perhaps it is a learning lesson...I'm tired of lessons! There seems to be less and less texting from H, in fact I've barely seen him with his phone while he is at home.
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Updates
I thought H was going to go to the "football game" this Sunday like he always does. The game started at 2:00 and I kept expecting him to hop in the shower before he left, like he had been.
I had asked S and H to bring up the Christmas tree and they both happily brought it up. I was going to decorate it, and enjoy the heck out of it, while H was out.
But two odd things happened. First, he asked me when the football game was on. It was on about 2:00, earlier than it has been on. So I said 'It's on at 2 today'. He said 'Oh I thought it was on at 6'. I said 'No, it's been at 2 for awhile now'. Me kind of eyeing him funny, even though he didn't look at me. This was odd because he has always know exactly when football game was on so he could leave...
Second, he never left. He stuck around all day and watched the game at home. !!!! I continued on with my plan of decorating the tree and making a crockpot dinner. He even asked me where the ornaments were and I told him I had already brought them up.
S wasn't interested in decorating or hanging ornaments, so I happily did it myself. I kept watching the clock wondering if H was going to get up and leave. He never did.
I made a nice crockpot dinner with beef and potatoes. It came out YUM, so I was very impressed with myself, lol. H told me it was really good and he loved the au jus sauce I made.
H had asked earlier in the morning Sunday if he could borrow my car, so he could take S out to do my bday shopping. I said Sure and was mildly pleased that he was making the effort to get S out to shop for me. Small step. Then he also mentioned that he and S would like to take me out to dinner and he even suggested a place I like. Good step.
So today is the old bday, and because of all this stress lately I am feeling every bit my 49 years!!! Maybe older even, LOL.
I got a hug and happy bday wish from S. That was nice. I also got two Happy Birthdays from H. <sniff> I really wasn't expecting anything from him. We'll see how tonight goes.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That sounds like it was a lovely Sunday........you so deserve it!
Happy birthday!!!!!!
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Happy birthday Pud! I really hope it's a magical day and year! Much love to you!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
(I'm tired of lessons too. I will join you on the llama farm. Only, I think they smell bad. How about we start an artist's colony. I will learn how to weave.)
Much, much Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'll be working on that when he leaves for his 'football game' this afternoon. 
