Still trying to get up that great Big Hill...

[Pudmuddle]

kp, thanks for saying that. I am glad it projects as calmness because I feel like a mess inside. This is something I don't need on top of the marital sitch. Bleah.

bf, Perhaps it is a learning lesson...I'm tired of lessons! There seems to be less and less texting from H, in fact I've barely seen him with his phone while he is at home.

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Updates

I thought H was going to go to the "football game" this Sunday like he always does. The game started at 2:00 and I kept expecting him to hop in the shower before he left, like he had been.

I had asked S and H to bring up the Christmas tree and they both happily brought it up. I was going to decorate it, and enjoy the heck out of it, while H was out.

But two odd things happened. First, he asked me when the football game was on. It was on about 2:00, earlier than it has been on. So I said 'It's on at 2 today'. He said 'Oh I thought it was on at 6'. I said 'No, it's been at 2 for awhile now'. Me kind of eyeing him funny, even though he didn't look at me. This was odd because he has always know exactly when football game was on so he could leave...

Second, he never left. He stuck around all day and watched the game at home. !!!! I continued on with my plan of decorating the tree and making a crockpot dinner. He even asked me where the ornaments were and I told him I had already brought them up.

S wasn't interested in decorating or hanging ornaments, so I happily did it myself. I kept watching the clock wondering if H was going to get up and leave. He never did.

I made a nice crockpot dinner with beef and potatoes. It came out YUM, so I was very impressed with myself, lol. H told me it was really good and he loved the au jus sauce I made.

H had asked earlier in the morning Sunday if he could borrow my car, so he could take S out to do my bday shopping. I said Sure and was mildly pleased that he was making the effort to get S out to shop for me. Small step. Then he also mentioned that he and S would like to take me out to dinner and he even suggested a place I like. Good step.

So today is the old bday, and because of all this stress lately I am feeling every bit my 49 years!!! Maybe older even, LOL.

I got a hug and happy bday wish from S. That was nice. I also got two Happy Birthdays from H. <sniff> I really wasn't expecting anything from him. We'll see how tonight goes.