The Brave Man

[ericmsant2]

JF -

Made the mistake of saying ILY over Thanksgiving

Don’t look at this ^^^ as a “mistake”. DB101 – change how you look at things. Maybe consider that you were being your authentic self and leave it at that.

Why can't I forgive myself for being a bad son when my father got sick?

Maybe start by defining “forgiveness” for yourself. How do you see/feel forgiviness? What is it that YOU would need to feel forgiven? It may help shed some light on why you are struggling with this. Forgivness is really a CHOICE.

I feel so awful for my actions.

It took me a loooooonnnngggg time to accept the following (urworthy is known for saying this)…..”you did the best you had with the tools that you had at the time”.

I also found that continuing to feel guilt was for me, very easy. It allow me to stay living as a victim. It is much harder to ACCEPT where you were wrong and move forward. Why is that? Because IMO, it forces you to move forward. Forces one to confront things like….loss of control and fear.

I must find a way to forgive myself.

Day by day bro…day by day. Ya know a lot time we see something that needs to be addressed/fixed and so we focus on fixing it, which is good. However, we also need to accept that things take TIME. So JF- start by just forgiving yourself today. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

I've gotta find a way to talk to my mother about why she left.

Sometime it is best to let things be. IMO, I would allow her to talk about it when she is ready. Funny, after my D, my mom sat down with me. We had a long conversation about HER MLC – she recognized it and knew what my xw might be feeling. She decribe it to me as a “fog”…as never really feeling “right”. She said she knew that some of the things that she was doing was wrong but could not stop it. According to her…she felt this way for 10 years and still to this day…doesn’t not feel quite “right” all of the time. She believes that my XW…will…in many years from now come to regret her choices but that I would not be around (which is indeed the case).

I watched my mom struggle with guild her entire life.
Guilt does not nothing for you man. Nada.

I don't have time to watch W's actions and analyze her.

Easier said then done. I hope that you follow this advice. For me, I had to FORCE myself to use another DB101 tactic – Change your thoughts.

Urworth,

Oh, since I went through all this stuff with these boys, I am an honorary member of the ole boys club. Let em try to take my membership away. I dare 'em

Oh yes you did. Hugs to you girl…now as it relates to the “membership”….you know I would never take it away. Hell your like one of the guys – kinda – sorta – in a weird way. LOL.