The only new thing is, I am dating. I have been going into it REALLY slow, just one date night every two weeks, while D is spending time with her mom. unlike W, I don't think I will let D know that I am going on dates or meeting new women, until I have settled into a long term relationship. I just worry so much about daughter getting the rug pulled out from under her in W's current sitch. D now has a new circle of piers, a new adult man figure in her life and a whole group of people that she has become attached to. I worry about the timeline that wife chose, and if the reality of a relationship surviving that can go long term. Perhaps that isn't the case, but I tend to worry. I would hate to see daughter hurt again.
I have been making HUGE strides in my detachment. I think that is partially due to time, and partially due to the fact that wife has permanently set up shop with OM. I just think that the marriage/divorce is so far gone, that I could never go back. The idea of her sleeping and living with another man, including daughter in his life, the whole new circle of friends, the fact that our separation is so publicly known.....It's just too much for me to get passed. So, knowing that it's "OVER", is allowing me to detach a little more. I will not say I don't have those thoughts still. I often worry and stress about why it all had to happen. I still can't get my head wrapped around wife just stepping out of my life one day and never coming back. It's still a struggle, but I am moving forward.
I need to GAL a little more. Lately, I have been settling into my old schedule, work, home, sleep. I spend all of my time with daughter when she is with me, so it only allows for every other week to do GAL activities. I am spending time with friends, and I am going on the occasional date, but I can and should be doing more.
Other than that, life is grand! I have been spending more time on the threads, checking out everyone else's sitchs. There are so many of us out there with similar stories. It's so sad for me.
I completely understand the going slow, even H and I are going reeeeealy slow in our process.
Go slowly in your dating because it's the right thing for you to do, not as a reaction or counter to what W is doing. Even long term M and R breakdown. Yes, we can say it might have been better to wait but to continue to hold that resentment toward W can't be good for the ongoing R with her. (she will always be in your life)
A given is that your D will be hurt again and even tho we hate to see it, when supported through it they develop resilience. They learn to cope with real life, not shy away from if for fear of being hurt.
You do worry, mostly about things you have no control over. But it sounds like you're making progress.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I am going really slow in regards to dating. I have met some fun women, who are also divorced and share some of my same qualities. I have had some really really good dates. However, I will be honest and say that I have mixed feelings about dating. On one hand, I am ready to share some life experiences. I want to love and be loved again. On the other hand, I am not 100% sure that I can totally put myself out there. I think about this a lot. I am confused about whether it's that I am not ready, or that I am "damaged", and I will bear the scars of my past relationship forever. I notice that I am not able to trust or "feel" as easily as I did previously in my life. I worry that I am doing D an injustice. I worry what people will think of me. I worry that this will all happen again and it scares the Sh!t out of me......Remember when new relationships were easy?...haha
Take this time to build yourself up and change those things about you that you do not like, it is much easier to do when your not in a relationship
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
The truth of the matter is, I will always try to improve myself, regardless of any relationship I have. I see how important that is, to grow as a person. Luckily, I am at a point where I actually like who I am.
Well, there was one new thing going on. I just met OM for the first time. He came with W to pick D up tonight. I figured it was a matter of time, so I told her to bring him into the house. Seems like a nice enough guy, although he is 13 years older than W and dresses like a 14 year old. From what I understand, he is a kid that just never grew up. He still rides BMX bikes and skateboards with his friends. I did most of the talking, very short and cordial. It gave me extreme butterflies, as I really felt like stuffing this little man into a pretzel. Controlling that feeling lets me know that I am growing, because a year ago I would have done just that. I think I handled myself really well.
Now, to just get rid of this horrible feeling in my gut as they all three drive away....
However, I will be honest and say that I have mixed feelings about dating. On one hand, I am ready to share some life experiences. I want to love and be loved again. On the other hand, I am not 100% sure that I can totally put myself out there. I think about this a lot. I am confused about whether it's that I am not ready, or that I am "damaged", and I will bear the scars of my past relationship forever. I notice that I am not able to trust or "feel" as easily as I did previously in my life. I worry that I am doing D an injustice. I worry what people will think of me. I worry that this will all happen again and it scares the Sh!t out of me......Remember when new relationships were easy?...haha
If it's any consolation, you're not the only person with these fears and worries.
Very impressed with how how handled meeting om and with how much grace you showed in describing it.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Thank you Lefty. It's good to know that I am not alone in my feelings. Moving on for me is very VERY difficult. I am really having a hard time breaking free.
Adinva, I tried my best. I have come to the realization that OM didn't steal my W or D away from me. Although that doesn't ease the hurt very much, I must keep that in mind.
Last night, I had a rough nights sleep. Too many thoughts of sadness and confusion. I can get past that feeling much faster than I was able to before, but the hurt keeps creeping back in. It seems that at every turn, there is a new constant reminder that my family was broken.
Up an moving this morning. Time to tackle another day.....
Well, there was one new thing going on. I just met OM for the first time. He came with W to pick D up tonight. I figured it was a matter of time, so I told her to bring him into the house. Seems like a nice enough guy, although he is 13 years older than W and dresses like a 14 year old. From what I understand, he is a kid that just never grew up. He still rides BMX bikes and skateboards with his friends. I did most of the talking, very short and cordial. It gave me extreme butterflies, as I really felt like stuffing this little man into a pretzel. Controlling that feeling lets me know that I am growing, because a year ago I would have done just that. I think I handled myself really well.
Now, to just get rid of this horrible feeling in my gut as they all three drive away....
Good job, SP!
You ARE in control of you.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
